it's just you and me baby;

byeee bloggerrr

2007-08-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

over 500 posts, and i'm bading goodbye. it's time to move on.

before that though, one last thing.
why, oh why do you care anyway? so i happen to like it, big deal. i honestly don't see why you should feel threatened when it's one lousy topic out of tens. keeping tabs on what i know and don't know now?

you just sank further deeper into pathetic.

plus, i realise that this blog have people reading it but not understanding the full story, and hence jumping to conclusions. no thanks.

girlfriends, and a selected few will be updated on the new url. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T GIVE IT AWAY PEOPLE.

so, goodbye blogger. it's been a very, very fun 4 years, almost anyway.

closet monkeys.

uh oh. love triangle?

2007-08-15T19:34:00.000+08:00

how to choose between the sun and moon?
which is happier, may or june?
you make me dream, he makes me smile
but triangle love is not my style
two in love is what it should be
i never meant to be
one of three

LOL isn't it catchy? you could almost make it a song.

take care in brunei faris. do us proud (:

way to go syafs. way to fall again.
just had to add in another wrench into the mix, like it isn't complicated enough.
so, now what?

i'm screwed.

mr tan. yuzhe. siokxin.

2007-08-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

i think you're hateful. such hypocrisy seems to go against your faith and beliefs. this is a let-down.

at least the other doesn't have faith.
small consolation.

red lipstick

2007-08-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

i have a sudden inclination to try red lipstick, don't ask.
a sudden inclination for dresses.
a sudden inclination for a head full of curls. (grow hair, NOW)
a sudden inclination for heels.

i feel a desire for new bags.
i need totes, and a leather backpack.
i want midnight-black hair. (dye, hari raye)
i want to top up my nails with henna.

let's put it this way.
i need a fresh start.

window delivery or chocs and waffle

2007-08-12T18:05:00.000+08:00

and so, i received a personalized delivery of a chocolate waffle outside my window. and, a huge bar of cadbury old gold roast almond. YUMMM.

thanks, youuu. much love <3

and that day was one of the better days, kind of.i'm not going to ever talk about it, so don't ask. at least, back then, i had lesser complications in my life, in every aspect. plus, flowers were pretty weren't they?

they started withering the next day, or two.
just a reminder, life changes all the time. and that maybe, not everything lasts forever.

then again, some do.

saturday with saiful

2007-08-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

and i have been hoarding photos for ages, and decided these are the next batch. i'm kind of craving for food, so...bewarned.

this yummy new place at PS basement, YUMMIFIED.

a new dunkin donuts, kinda.

see what i mean? YUMMM

i look as though i'm bottomless, LAWL

simpsons rocked my socks twice over. it's too good.
started out horribly bad, my day did. ended on a semi-pleasant mood. but overall, it's four stars. simply because, no pressure. so, i'm ok. i think i needed the release.

TAGBOARD REPLIES;

zahd; bile nak jumpe???

edwina; GET YOUR BUTT BACKKK IMY

darina; yes, and no, and everything in between. and thank you darling (:

edwina; reminds me, i gotta relink you, AGAIN, lawl

angela; hey, thank you. i'll see you around school (:

benj; things suck, but you know, we struggle on. see you!

edwina; LOL LOL yes winnie i am replying, ahhahha. get back here!

atiqah; and thanks babe, for listening (:

angela; it's not wrong, just maybe slightly misguided in how he should handle things.

sophie; hey soph, thanks for the support yea. i appreciate it (:

just a meaningless kiss
we knew it was wrong
but we couldn't resist
just a meaningless kiss
till I fell in love...with you

and so, life moves on, being a bitch.
after all, there's more to life than just this. there's family.

damn christians

2007-08-10T23:19:00.001+08:00

just the last week alone, i have been approached by yet another well-meaning christian who approaches me and goes:

christian: hello there!
me: oh, hi.
christian: you're a malay, a muslim right?
me: uh yes, i'm muslim, why? (gets this deja vu feeling)
christian: ok, you need this (presses a church brochure into my hand) you need all the help you can get. our church can help you.
me: (speechless, staring at this guy)
christian: really, you should come to us, you need the help.

i'm sorry, WHAT THE FCK?
this is NOT then first damn time i got approached for this kind of bullshit. yes, i call it bullshit because first off all, where the hell do you get off insulting my religion? i'm all for you wanting to promote your religion (i nearly said shit, i'm so furious) but you don't have to resort to insulting mine while you're at it. if other religions can peacefully co-exist side by side with us i don't see why you seem to be picking a fight.

this latest encounter is the what, 4th time i've been approached by a christian organisation to convert. oh, screw you.

i don't get it, my christian friends are perfectly nice people who although don't share the same faith as i do, don't tell me i'm going to hell either just because i'm not christian. i'm having a hard time your god is a merciful one, if that's what you believe.

so, no offense at the harmless christians out there. i know plenty of nice people who're christians, and they're really great, completely humble and simply wanting to extend love out to the world, unlike certain misguided people who choose tp condemn other non-christians out there. it's one thing to say you want to help others and so forth because your conscience as a christian, roman catholic, buddhist, muslim, hindu says so. but it's a completely different thing to actually do it.

there you go, i've been steaming over this for almost a week. i just don't understand how educated, rational, civil people in singapore can go around being such maggots. they must have a death wish.

i'm feeling uncertain

2007-08-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

i don't know who's baby this is, but her name's nur ellysa. oh, so adorable (:

and sometimes, you have to ask yourself what is it that's making you sick with the feelings. and sometimes you wonder if it's the idea of it that's keeping you there, not the thing itself. and most times, you just refuse to let go because fck it, it means one more pillar down.

pics

2007-08-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

somehow i couldn't remember if i posted pictures of mike's bdae, but anyhoo, here's a couple of them. i think that ekor aka atiqah's peace sign has rubbed off, hmphf.

see, us with faris dearest's many winnings, and some not even in the picture! we're so proud of him! =D

wherefore art thou, linny? lysa qidd me mary. tamp library toilet not bad, surprisingly.

and qidd, yes, the cafe galillee student lunch special is nice! oh, i found new lunch place! ADLIN!!!
as you can see, i am high, God knows why.

and tomorrow, i sober up for this is something which has to run well. i am scared.

and we take it again, one more time, one more round. because idiot, it still matters to me.
thank you for being there.

friends are forever

2007-08-05T13:27:00.000+08:00

and so, i cried buckets of tears yesterday when i saw the dear naz. i hope you like the perfume baby, as much as i know it's not your style. i jut thought the label captured your life perfectly (:

and no one's going to miss you more than i will. the days we spent starbuck-ing together. us sitting at central or northpoint. stupid either-this-or-that games you started. and so, you start a new phase of your life, and i will miss your presence oh so much, for you were the only person who gave me a fair chance, and didn't succumb to the petty gossips so many of them did, neither did you choose sides, like the others did. and for that, you bought my respect and loyalty, not something many people get. certainly no male does.

bless you and your naz baby. you were meant for oh, so so much more.

and yesterday, i remembered just how much i truly missed my best girls, lysa and qidd and linny. simply because they are are the best girlfriends anyone can ever get when a heart's in the process of healing. and here i worried that we'll break apart because we're all so busy busy busy. i hardly see qidd even though we're in the same school. i smack into linn once in a while. lysa, if it weren't for the meetups i'll never meet you at all.

and so annoying, i can't find a picture of us four together. it's camwhoring time yo.

and let me say, i am so proud of the dear, dear faris for winning the best speaker twice (or was it three times?) in the debate competition, and for the overall best speaker in the competition. and best of all, for being selected to be on the final team for titian minda! such an honour.

for those of you not in the know, titian minda is the brunei-singapore international annual debate for pre-university. it's a huge deal.

and so, i can safely deduce that friends are a treasure, one step below family, and worth so much more than any amount of money in the world.

so tell me baby, why is it i still feel like there's something missing in my life?
oh right, it's you. idiot.

contemplative

2007-08-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

and so, i decided to open another blog.
not to worry, this blog is going to stick around for a long time, simply because i like it.
after all, the memories here are priceless.

love you baby. we have a long way to go. issues to be resolved are always there, but they can't be resolved until we settle our respective lives first. so until then, we wait.

i waited for 4 months after all. it won't kill to wait longer. not much, anyway.

everything's changing. just don't let the feelings change.

off to dinner with the big family, and then i have to rush home to prepare for PW meeting tomorrow at 7:30am at my house. boo, that time on saturday is our time to sleeeeeeeep.
i will curse and swear if it rains too. i might just decide not to get up.

ok, CocoCrunchers, just kidding.

he hasn't called or smsed

2007-08-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

i find Christina Aguilera's Ain't No Other Man such a upbeat song. just listening to it just now elevated my already mixed mood.

i'm starting to see the flutterings of wings signalling the change taste to fit the season.
didn't i warn you honey, to watch your own back instead of watching me and my business?

and i think and i think and i think again. what was it that didn't fit? was it because i gave in too much, or was it because things began to be taken for granted? was it my always deciding to let it go because i care too much, or was it you who just asn't ready? was it because i stood firm and didn't let your temper drive me away when it tried, or was it because i hurt too easily when you get into an off mood?

and then, i realise, it's probably a combination of both. but i can honestly say, i gave it my 1000 percent.

after all, i'm still here.
right where you left me.

and the hurt lingers until now.

2007-08-01T20:29:00.000+08:00

hey, i don't go poking my nose into your business do i? isn't it a little sad you're reduced to going around to enquire about my going-ons? i like you, even though i'm not blind or deaf to the things you do or say behind me. i mean, really...we all know where your allegience lies. isn't it enough? so, what else about my business do you want to know? you're better off watching your own back.

pierre cardin has the best lingerie, ever.
sleek. sporty. and, hotHOT colours.
muahhs!

and we'll take it back to square one, and then rebuild that beautiful castle we once had.

depression

2007-07-29T16:07:00.000+08:00

i was looking at benj's blog. there was a line there, "i have lost all of them", under this section called dreams.

and i think to myself, truer words were never spoken. i lost them too. oh, hell. my head's bursting. how i'm going to attend school tomorrow, i have no idea.

stil numb, still shocked.
the 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

i was past denial. i just got of anger. i don't believe in the bargaining.
so, stuck in depression, hovering on acceptance.
not a nice place to be.

it's not fair to keep me dangling. clear it, once and for all.

it's over. we're over.

2007-07-29T12:43:00.000+08:00

it hurts, oh God it hurts so much. and it was unforeseen too. dear God i'm hurting so badly. the pain behind my eyes can't compare to the pain in my heart, it really can't. it's pure waves of despair. exactly the pain i felt, when i finished the last book of harry potter, but magnified a thousand times.

no, it wasn't the fckd PTM. that one can go to hell and back, twice over. you had no right to accuse me of what you don't know.

where did i go wrong?

fck off YZH

2007-07-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry honey, any problem with people wanting to talk to me just because they're still open-minded enough to see things on an even scale, unlike you who play it double-faced? oh, yes, i know it's double faced. it's too obvious, aside from what people tell me anyway. rather than keeping tabds on who talk to me, i suggest you watch your own back. who's to say what happened to me, has never happened to you? it's because you didn't know, and i never told. i didn't really see the point of taking it upon myself to tell you and choosing sides. i'm not your kind.

and, othello is somewhat a disappointment. bad, bad acoustics.

something someone told me made me LMAO during the performance. LOL.

to the left, to the left

everything you own, in a box to the left
KE KIRI KE KIRI!

and, one of my secondary school teachers said this to me "You don't seem like you can make it. There's nowhere for you to go." my point is, i've heard it before, plenty of times, and i hear it all the time. that's nothing new to me. so, it doesn't cut deep, not much. (i'm only human)

AND I MISSED NAZ BECAUSE SHE WISELY OPTED TO NOT ATTEND OTHELLO. good choice love.

i know it's glaringly bright, but see that tiny speckle of blue? my little sister just ran in to give me a pair of her blue earrings. she bought those three-for-one ear studs thingie and wanted to give one to her elder sister. it's already broken in her haste to get it off the plastic bone but nevertheless, until it fells apart, i shall faithfully wear it, no matter what because it's a treasure token from a darling sister.

i. hate. alvin.

2007-07-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

oh, and i completed lost my cool with someone today, because he thinks he's all that and more with the weight bearing upon his shoulders. NEWSFLASH; no, ~~honey~~ you're not. put it this way; don't bloody sell us out to save your own hide. i can forgive weakness; that's something to be pitied, simply, but i don't take to double-crossing easily.

dear God, i can't remember the last time i got furious my temper simply snapped in class. but hey, could have been worse, my mouth shoots whatever my brain thinks at that particular moment in time as temper flashes.

hey, at least my mouth doesn't talk behind backs. and it definitely doesn't ruin others either. not to friends, anyway. true friends, not the social kind. the kind willing to sacrifice others to climd the social ladder. GET A BACKBONE people; ass-kissing isn't becoming.

i. hate. siokxin

2007-07-25T22:02:00.000+08:00

and i tell you, straight out now, that i agree.

I HATE YOU TOO.

you're nothing to me now.

no, really. you're nothing.

syafs feels like clawing something out, right now. preferably eyes. eyes that shimmer with deceit, lies, and deception.

beautiful girls

2007-07-24T20:15:00.000+08:00

I remember when
I was hanging with my friends
That's when I caught your eye
You thought that I was fly

LOL mary sorry but i think jojo's version of beautiful girls by sean kingston sounds somehow sexier. LOVE IT; i take it back linny and syafz, the song is rocking.

it's so polka-dots and sunday morning sunshine!

i love tweety sprawled on my name above my headboard; she's been with me a long time since my dad got her for me years ago. my cousins have them too, but i think tweety's lasted longest with me.

sprawled on my bed after dinner with boyfie. REMEMBER THAT GREY-ORANGE ADIDAS SKIRT LYSA? we bought it on pure impulse at bugis. and i'm thrilled that the skirt fits a lot better now than it did 2 years ago.

orange. i miss netballAND. the GIANTs; dear God we ought to get together for a pick-up game soon. SPEAKING OF WHICH GIRLS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE XL OR EFFA YOUR TEE SIZE IF YOU WANT TO ORDER THIS YEAR'S NETBALL TEE!

it was a good day because i got to leave school at 1:45pm.
it wasn't good cause we got ratted out for leaving early. damnit you didn't have to rat on us.

2007-07-23T20:28:00.000+08:00

there's no kindness in your eyes
the way you look at me it's just not right
i can tell what's going on this time
there's a stranger in my life

you're not the person that i once knew
are you scared to let them know it's you
if they could only see you like i do
then they would see a stranger too

and i find the song oh-so-on-the-dot.
and life has just gotten much more complicated, oh no.

feeling like fck

2007-07-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

ok.

my boyfriend's gone through NS. and YES it was tough. the first three months was bad, plain and simple. short phone calls, only weekends to meet (and sometimes even that didn't happen), him being annoyed and tired because of NS and my being annoyed and tired with school. it was a lot of tears and solitude at some times, but overall i blocked out the negative emotions and was pretty much ok.

i mean, life moves on. i missed him, so terribly, but my life can't just halt and die just because he's went off to serve the nation.

AND FCK YOU OUR LOVE'S BARELY DIFFERENT FROM YOURS LAH PLEASE. I MEAN, HELLO. YOUR TRACK RECORD PRETTY MUCH SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT YOUR LOVE.

this people can make me feel so murderous sometimes. i think, i really think i'm losing my mind.
one month ago this kind of thing would have made me go, oh, ok so weird but to each his own.
today i'm like, damn you stuff it and stop whining. you think you've got problems?

so does the whole damn world.

and, my migraine headaches are back with a vengeance. the rain's stopped and my migraine's back. i feel like fck. and no, i don't think it's my eyesight that's the problem. it's not perfect lah please but it's not that bad either.

i'm really feeling like crap.
asthma's back.

2007-07-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

it's really not hard to soothe me on rainy days when i'm in nap mood.

hot chocolate hits the spot, anytime.

that, combined with a beautiful invention named the internet, and it's complement, the laptop, makes for a wonderful existence.

see what i mean?

and i went to this baby christening ceremony two, three weeks back. i never posted the picture of the baby. and, he's adorable too. such a beautiful child.

look, it's enough to make me melt.

and, right now, i'm missing my pure black-as-night hair. i might just indulge and go have it dyed super black before hari raye this year.

see the utter glossiness? that's what i want, despite the healthy-i-spend-as-much-time-in-the-sun-as-possible vibe the brown hair gives off.

or, not. regardless.

i have a present, and i can't wait to give the recipient. i mean, really. it's about time.
and, i love birthdays. something about receiving gifts just make me so happy.

i think the lady did protest too much
she wouldn't take the flower from my hand

2007-07-22T18:52:00.000+08:00

a picture post, for a camera happy syafs.

see my pretty ankle? it's SWOLLEN. 'nuff said.

syafs like peace and pouts. so, sue her.

i love my room, honey. i really do.

might have more posts, picture posts. i'm in the mood.

2007-07-22T17:57:00.000+08:00

you, honey, can fcuk with my mind upside down so much that i lose track of everything. and damn you, what the hell gave you the right?

and, harrypotter was disappointing. and this is a new one because i've always found HP fantastic, regardless the lack of detail. BUT i don't appreciate the completely altered details. might as well just bloody don't include.

i did have fun at secret recipe (:
and MIKE i hope you did too!

met my bitch zahd. she's still the same, thank God. i think enough of my life has been altered. AND ZAHD I TOTALLY FEEL YOU ABOUT THE PROBLEM WITH THE OTHER HALF. sometimes, it gets so fcking frustrating.

school tomorrow, back to the damned reality.
i already can't wait for friday, i really can't. i want to cry.

oh, wait, i already am.

will you take a journey tonight,
follow me past the walls of death?

because help me, i think it's becoming too much. i detest social butterflies.

2007-07-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

i could hardly take it when you screwed me upside down. you, with all you pretenses, your fakeness, and your hypocrisy. you, with all your sweet talkings, your innocent looks and your sugar niceness.

i still let it go because i thought, it was never meant to be.

but i can't believe you'd be heartless and stupid enough to pull it twice, and with someone else.
dear God, don't you have a heart in you somewhere? IT'S NOT ALWAYS YOU DAMNIT! your looks can only take you so far. like, maybe a few months.

you leave a trail of broken hearts in your wake, and it's not the positive-heartbreaker kind. more like, the manipulative heartless skank kind.

God help your poor victims.

and God, help me. people alike were never meant to click. please don't ever put me in the same league, ever. i want to be better, a better person, a much more humble person, a kinder person, an honest person, despite my temper and the angry things that come out of my mouth in the heat of the moment. i never want to reach such a low state.

and i've wasted enough of my time, moping, and being heartbroken over this, really. i let my work slide. now, i'm paying for it. i deserve it for being stupid enough to let it matter. now, God help me get through this so i can get back on my feet.

2007-07-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

God bless the wonderful people in school who STILL care and make me smile whenever i see them.

thanks loves (:

and damn you, why haven't you called yet?? HMPHF!

2007-07-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

Your Waist to Hip Ratio is 0.8

You are quite curvy. Most clothes look great on you.

How Curvy Are You?

and since i needed to hear that...thank you.

Your Beauty Element is Water

Feminine and dreamy, your beauty style is classic and very vintage.But you never look out of style! You have a way of making classic looks modern again.

What's" Your Beauty Element?

and right on, i love feminine pieces (:

Your PMS Disaster Level: Medium

You definitely are a bit of a wreck once a month.But as long as remember to take it easy, your PMS isn't a major crisis.

Are You a PMS Disaster?

as wells, true to a point.

What Your Latte Says About You

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large.
You are a very frivolous person. You don't take anything too seriously. Why should you?
You have a good deal of energy, but you pace yourself. You never burn out too fast.
You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it.
You are a child at heart, and you don't ever miss the opportunity to do something playful.
You are deep and thoughtful, but you are never withdrawn.

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

i detest coffee, but chocolate's caffeine right? so, still on.

You Are 29% Fake

The real you is something you embrace and don't mind enhancing.You know that a few beauty secrets aren't a big deal, as long as you look good.

Are You A Fake Girl?

still on.

Your Toes Should Be Pink

You love to dress girly and work your feminine charms, with a bit of an edge.
Your ideal guy: Is confident enough to get any girl he wants
Stay away from: Jerks who only see you as eye candy

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

strike 2!

Your Kiss is Green

Your kisses are short and sweet - at least a first.You tend to be a cautious kisser. You don't want to scare anyone off.Once you get to know someone, your kisses are daring... and even wild.No matter what the situation is, you know how to deliver the perfect kiss.
Kissing Type: Varied
People See Your Kisses as: Skillful
You Kiss Best With: A Blue Kisser
Stay away from: A Black Kisser

What Color Is Your Kiss?

eeeeew, a green kiss sounds WRONG.

No Pocket Jeans

You are confident and completely comfortable with your body.You don't mind showing off - in fact, you put it all out there!

What Style of Womens Jeans Are You?

that picture, just ain't happening.

Your Scent is Strawberry

Fun, flirty, and fresh.You're a complete sweetheart that makes everyone smile!

What's" Your Girl Smell?

i happen to not like strawberry much. only the smell.

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern
At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent
You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet
Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

spot on.

You Are a Ham Sandwich

You are quiet, understated, and a great comfort to all of your friends.Over time, you have proven yourself as loyal and steadfast.And you are by no means boring. You do well in any situation - from fancy to laid back.
Your best friend: The Turkey Sandwich
Your mortal enemy: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

so damn OFF, i love cheese! and i can't eat ham anyway.

You Are a Gingerbread House

A little spicy and a little sweet, anyone would like to be lost in the woods with you.

What Holiday Food Are You?

ginger.

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something

And I said "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"She said, "I think I remember the film,And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

What's" Your 1996 Theme Song?

beautiful movie(:

Your Aura is Red

You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works!
The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures
Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez
Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon

What Color Is Your Aura?

temper goes as fast as it comes.

You are a New Age Girl!

You're bright, opinionated, and dedicated to changing the world.Even if it's one hybrid car at a time, you do you part to make things better.In fact, you may be so busy with your causes that you have little time for love.Take an extra yoga class or two, and you just might meet New Age Guy!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

off, in a way, LOL

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Samara Assunção

What's" Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

interesting. my parents wanted to name me something close.

Your Gemstone is Aquamarine

Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.You inspire others to have faith in themselves.

What Gemstone Are You?

i love this stone.

Your 2006 Summer Anthem Is

Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado
"I'm only trying to get inside your brainTo see if you can work me the way you sayIt's okay, it's alrightI got something that you might like"

What's" Your 2006 Summer Anthem?

and i love nelly furtado.

You Are Jennifer Aniston

Girl next door with a free spirit.You're low key and naturally sexy.Sweet and approachable, people are attracted to your upbeat attitude.And even when life doesn't go your way, you always eventually turn things around.

Are You More Like Jennifer or Angelina?

a compliment. i do not like husband stealing females.

Your Girl Parts Are Named:

Love Muffin

Girl Parts Name Generator

ok, LOL

You Fight Fair

For you, a fight is not about proving you're right.Instead, it's about discussing and resolving difficult issues.You don't look for fights, but you don't avoid them either.You realize that clearing the air is good, when you go about it the right way.

Do You Fight Fair?

clearing the air is fine, if people are open enough to give it a shot.

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Romeo + Juliet

"Has my heart loved 'till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw a true beauty 'till this night."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

huh.

You Are Dave Matthews Band Magic Brownies Ice Cream

Not *those* magic brownies!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

YAY!

Your Lucky Underwear is Yellow

You're an extremely happy, laid back, fun soul. And your lucky yellow underwear can help you get even more out of life.In life, you rather play than work. You're apt to quit any task that doesn't nourish your creativity and inner child.
Sometimes your drive for freedom hinders your quality of life. You find it impossible to do anything unpleasant.If you want to have responsibilities and still have fun, put on your yellow underpants. They'll help you make a party out of the most mundane tasks.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

ahhahha.

plenty more, but it's an overdose anough.
lots of people online, interesting.

2007-07-18T19:47:00.000+08:00

01.Your name
*Nur Syafiqah

02. Hobbies
*stoning. music. reading. shopping! STARBUCK-ing. dolling up.

03. Gender
*female. very female.

04. School / work
*anderson jc

05. Height
*1.71m

06. Horoscope
*aquarius. that cool entity.

08. Address
*khatib

09. Email
*ishiqa_22@hotmail.com

10. Hair colour
*dark brown, redbrown, copperbrown. all the bleaching and dyeing has my hair throwing out different colours at different angles, boo

11. Eye colour
*dark dark brown

12. Skin colour
*TAN

13. Right or left handed
*right-handed, even for my watches

14. Status
*in a relationship <3

15. Siblings
*one younger sister

16. Last 5 digit of your mobile no
*32557. i think.

17. When's your Birthday
*02-02-1990

18. Age
*7teen

19. Shio
*i don't get this

20. Religion
*ISLAM

[[ have you.. ]]

21. Tried smoking
*nope

22. Drink alcohol
*never

23. Been hurt emotionally
*yes, oh yes

24. Kept a secret from anyone
*definitely, obviously

25. Been on stage
*acted danced hosted gaveaspeech

[[ Favorites ]]

26. Color
*PINK black grey GREEN RED

27. Food
*western. middleeastern. minangkabau. italian. indian. if you still can't tell, i adore food.

28. Town
*ouhh, there's too many places i'd like

29. Number/s
*02. 07.

30. Cartoons
*hmm. tom&jerry! such a classic (: oh oh and baby looney tunes!

33. Movie
*chickflicks. those artistic-ish french films.

34. Subject
*lit eng PE

[[ right now.. ]]

36. Wearing
*tank top. boyshorts.

37. Hairstyle
*loose, and oh-so-messy (;

38. Looking for
*a lot more time

39. Thinking of
*the things in my life

40. Listening to
*LMAO kuck kuch hota hai =D

.[[ do u believe in.. ]]

41. Love
; oh yes

42. Faith
; yes. faith is what holds you together

43. Yourself
; i'm not sure really. but then again...ah fack, definitely.

44. Ghosts
; yes

45. Angels
; yes

[[ in the last 24 hours.. ]]

46. Worn jeans
; nope

47. Cleaned your room
; noooo

48. Cried
; despaired, but no tears

49. Met someone new
; yes, and yet, no

50. Last person you talk to on the phone
; baby <3

[[ love life ]]

51. Do you believe in love
; didn't you ask? YES

52. Have a secret admirer
; i choose to ignore him

53. Do you wanna get married
; i can't wait to!

55. How old you wanna be when you get married
; i'm 17 this year. i wanted to marry young, like at 22 or 23. maybe 25. that's about 8 years away.

57. How many kids do you want
; 5, maybe 4. min 3.

58. Would you have sex before marriage
; no. i won't. it's just not worth throwing away on lust.

59. Do you have a crush?
; on this zinc leather backpack!

60. What do you want most in a relationship
; utter loyalty&dedication. absolute devotion. complete trust. understanding. puppy love that'll never die.

61. Pink or Black
; BOTH actually (:

62. Kiss or hug
; ah, damn. i want both.

63. Summer or winter
; summer love. winter romance.

64. Sunny or rainy
; the sun, i like the warmth. but when i'm napping, let it RAIN

65. Chocolate or vanilla
; no competition, CHOCOLATE

66. Hanging out or chillin
; chilling. hanging out. almost the same thing

67. Music or TV
; music. i don't do tv anymore

68. Hamburger or Pizza
; BURGER

69. Smile or Laughing
; smile. a secret smile

70. Sleeping or eating
; sleeping. it's my favourite hobby

71. Mc Donald's or KFC
; macdonalds, forever

72. Silver or gold
; gee i like gold accessories, but silver's classic

73. Sunset or sunrise
; sunrise, and the beginning of a whole new day for you to embrace

74. On phone or in person
; in person, with love

75. Diamonds or Pearls
; a girl's best friend

76. Adidas or puma
; ADIDAS!

77. Band members or models
; band members. male models just don't have life.

78. Local or international Artist
; international, as much as i like certain local talents

79. sneakers or boots
; sneakers

80. Jack Daniel's or Chivas Regal
; NA

81. Dunhill or Marlboro
; NA

82. clubbing or live music
; live music

83. Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt
; neither.

84. Angelina Jolie or Kate Hudson
; kate hudson, i don't do husband snatchers

85. Colosal/epic or romantic comedy
; romantic comedy. exceptions would be 300, troy.

87. BMW or ferarri
; BMW!

88. incubus or maroon 5
; maroon5

90. long haired or bald
; long haired girls. for guys...let's just say, i think you should do a healthy in-between

91. pop or rock
; pop, ahhahhaa

92. beach or mountain
; beach! but maybe a mountain getaway in the swiss alps would be fantactico!

95. nokia or ericsson
; nokia. i always circle back to it.

96. 311 or hoobastank
; hoobastank

97. Asia or America
; asia. i love the culture.

98. Tattoo or piercing
; only ear piercing. few girls can pull off the nose piercing, or belly button

100. Asking or answering
; answering. i never can decide what to ask.

-----------------------------10 Firsts---------------------------

First Best Friend:joann rebecca joseph. wherever you are honey, i still love you

First Pet Name: pikah. no, don't ask

First Piercing: when i was a baby, mummy and baba did me the favour of getting my first peircings. thank God

First Crush: ooooooooh, some kid in kindergarten. awwww

First CD: max6

First School: pertapis

First House Location: khatib, still

First Kiss: <3

First Car: some cute mini car, beetle, volks, etc. BABA!

---9 Lasts---

Last Time You Smoked: NA

Last Food You Ate: cereal, in the afternoon.

Last Car Ride: huh, i haven't taken the family car in ages.

Last Movie You Watched: help me God, i can't remember

Last Phone Call: boyfieeee

Last CD You Listened To: i can't remember the last time i listened to CD, i've been burning individual songs for ages

Last Bubble Bath You Took: oh, years ago

Last Song You Listened To: Tipsy, by j-kwon. so 2004

Last Words You Said: "mama"

---8 Have-You-Evers---

Dated A Best Friend: nopeee

Been Arrested: nopeee

Been On TV: oh, i wish, LOL

Eaten Sushi: oh, what love

Been On A Blind Date: nopeee

Been Out Of The Country: every year

---6 Things You've Done Today---

blogged.
friendster-ed.
napped.
read a book.
dreamed.
smsed friends

---5 Favorite Things (not in any order)---

stoning.
shopping.
STARBUCKS.
music.
napping.

---4 People You Most Trust---

linny.
syafz.
boyfie.
(dear God, i don't trust easily, so, that's about it)

---2 Choices---

Vanilla or Chocolate; CHOCOLATEEEE

Hugs or Kisses: i'm well-behaved, most times. can i have both?

--1 Person You Want To See Right Now---

ADLIN. it's been ages, and i have been promised a dinner rendezvous to a couple of new restaurants =D

and you know, this is the way, i hate you. it's so random, but whatever. you're very cold.

2007-07-18T13:00:00.000+08:00

it's a blur of figures, a rush of images which flood my mind and placed pressure behind my eyes. i start feeling clausthrophobic, my eyes swim, and my breathing starts to get uneven because every breath taken stuffs the nose and increases the pressure behind my eyes.

and i open my mouth to ask what's going on, but nothing comes out. it's like a silent scream.

ooooowwwwwww

2007-07-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

quite frankly.
it is annoying.
i was going to apologize.
until i decided, it's something like allowing the world's wildest winds and raging storms access to your heart.
i think, i get enough of it elsewhere, so...

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BIATCH.

2007-07-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

the way i'm feeling right now, i kind of just want out.
i knew there was something about solitude that so appealed to me. and yeah, this is just a confirmation. no expectations, no hypocrisy, no annoyance.

FINE, CONSIDER YOURSELF EXEMPTED FROM JOKES, EVER. WE'LL HAVE THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER. I'LL NEVER SHARE WITH YOU, EVER AGAIN. I'M, SIMPLY PUT, DONE WITH YOU.

dear God, i can't wait to move on with life.
i just want out.

2007-07-14T21:25:00.000+08:00

and so, after lots of phone calls back and from my family, i ended up NOT going to jb. how annoying! i spent about 20 mins in the toilet fixing my makeup. tskkk.

so, i trained to raffles place to meet syafz baby at one fullerton and stone at the starbucks there instead. what love stoning, really. and i discovered that chai tea, is very nice. the kind of drink you'd order when it's raining buckets outside and you need something to warm yourself up. oh, yay.

and that chocolate cream chip is love.
although i still prefer greenteafrap, despite it's undesirable connotations. regardless.
and that antipasto cheese melt is comforting.

and syafz's concoction of cookies&cream is nice.
i sound like some promoter gone bananas.

i like the solitude, somehow it's comforting. music heals the soul. i love how my thoughts scatter as i look out over the water. i kept faltering when i sat outside with ridzuan during his break. (smoking's bad for health!) one fullerton is becoming another favourite outlet, despite my undying allegience to central.

boyfie somehow ended up wasting his time going to camp because no instructor picked up the privates shortlisted to become 'casualties', and YAY he dropped by at 4:30pm. comforting to feel the forehead kiss. dinner-ed with syafz at marinasq, and then syafz got a pair of oh-so-gorgeous flipflops from flash&splash, and baby got his green striped shirt. this is a first where i didn't get anything for myself, i am amazed at my willpower. hur hur.

we parted ways with syafz, and went up to watch the lightshow, and stone. dear God, i love it up there. the world's mine and mine alone.

netball was tiring, exasperating, and as such, very fun. i miss competitive netball.
and YUFEI you promised me you'd join cheerleading! don't forget!

plenty of work to do tomorrow.

bagaikan syurga tanpa bidadari,
kau ibarat hembusan nafas terakhir

this one's for you, naz.

2007-07-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

and hence, the sweetness and serenity of love.

oh, the weekend's here, YAY. God knows i need it to recharge and continue to adapt myself to school, especially without the dear Naz who keeps me going these days. been there, done that, understand completely, and hence, a great comfort.

my head is going to burst from the pain, i swear. it's this insistent knocking that's going to shatter my skull one day, i swear.

oh, cheer begins again, and thank you God. i did miss cheer. i loved it, so much, despite the snappy tension on the day itself. call me sick, but it's the tension and stress of competition that gave such a kick. i love competition adrenaline, it's such a rush.

and i have netball tomorrow, and please God, don't make it rain? i'd like it to be a lovely day to sweat everything out. besides, i intend to drop by one fullerton.

watching baby with his family bowling was so comforting. at the end of the day, it's family who'll never abandon you, and accept you with your flaws and temper and little annoyances. not strangers who aspire to be social butterflies and kicking aside any liability who might make it difficult to get to the top. i just feel like screwing school tomorrow and following the entire family to JB for mindless fun. Goddamnit.

and the mist clears, and there you stand in all your armor.
and despite that, i still miss you.

2007-07-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

and so i was at the doctor's just now and saw a helpline poster. it has, shall we say, triggered off very strong opinions in me. the kind i just want to go bursting out in temper and -

digression; i just read a very controversial blog which, on one hand has me furious about his lack of sensitivity, but on the other, holds valid points about his opinion of the antagonist(s) from his POV anyway. but regardless as much as i think said owner of the blog is poseur through and through, his argument kind of makes sense when i take a step back to view it from an outsider's point-of-view.

scary. the day i agree with this.

back to my original topic.
which, i completely forgot as to what i was going to say.

damnit.

ah well. that aside, a dear friend of mine from long ago once asked me what i thought of the modern girls. she was a friend from religious class, and it so happens that day the main topic of discussion in class was propriety. we had a very nice discussion with our uztaz, about how we have to strike a balance.

and i gave it a lot of thought, and still do, even after almost three years. i think this is a kind of topic you never stop thinking about and weighing out the many factors all your life until you're past the stage. and having the questionable priviledge of growing up in a restricted, conservative family like mine, i can see it from both point-of-views.

and i wonder sometimes, where my race has gone wrong. oh, i never want to change my race if i could help it; it's got so much old-school chivalry and charm that appeals to the utter romantic. but all i have to do is log onto friendster to see the people who've gone so wrong.

and what makes it even more wrong, is that we set higher standards for ourselves, stemming from a background of utter strict discipline, propriety, and restrictions interwined with our hold on Islam. and it takes a delicate balance to walk the fine line keeping up with the times and still holding firm to our roots. not many girls pull this off these days. i rarely see any. they're always on the two extremes, or a complex mixture of both. hurhur.

and myself? oh, i grew up at the hip of a woman who holds firm to history and tradition, blending two unique cultures into one. my dear grandmother made sure i retained the malay way of hostessing guests whilst ensuring i replied to her in punjabi. i got my knuckles rapped when i didn't bow low enough walking in front of elders. i was told off when i casually mentioned how much calories there were in certan foods whilst in company.

and i grew up with a mother, whom, although reiterates everything her mum taught her, and grew up a fine, strong woman for it, taught me that the grass also did grow on the other side, if not greener. oh, she taught me the metropolitan, the cosmopilitan, not a bad feat for a woman who never saw the world. and although i think she somewhat regretted it in the later years of my life, she would never change that. because knowing what i know, seeing what i've seen, and being allowed to submerge myself into the oh-so-desired metropolitan world, i found little appeal in it. there are some aspects i do embrace, but all in all i prefer watching it unfold around me instead.

i cringe when my little cousins run their mouth off during meals with the entire family, but i don't hesitate to open mine when i find it suits me. my mum has thrown up her hands in despair i think, at my lack of subtlety and patience with social pretenses i find nauseating when it runs its course too thin. this landed me in trouble all the time, and still does, but i have the satisfaction of knowing that what i chose to do, what path i walked, i walked it with my dignity. what i chose to do, i don't regret.

digression; not even my impulse buys, cause i just discovered i fit oh-so-comfortably in this lovely pair of jeans i bought 3 years ago but didn't wear cause they were simply waaaaaay tight. woots, new clothes right from my closet!

people still confuse me, as much as i like them. a friend has a tendency to never let anyone get close, and i thought that to be uncomfortable at first because i likie closure. but she's smart; she's not feeling it as much as i am now. good going babe, although i'm smarting from the fact that once burned, twice STILL burned. damn lah.

so, life goes on.

i constantly get amazed at the amount of thinking and internal debates reading nora roberts can dredge up. this is too much, but it's mindless fun.

2007-07-11T12:21:00.000+08:00

we have a name for ~~women~~ females like you, honey.

and so, we do.

i had an unsettling dream which resulted in a major headache upon awakening. if i ever cross paths with that kind in real life, i can't promise to be civil. cheap women simply disgust me, really. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i agree. it's fine to be bad, but please, make sure the consequences don't haunt you, don't ruin you. tears can't wash away your pain.

and i shouldn't even be saying this, because anything can happen to me, to you, to everyone, but this is my stand. so, be it.

it'll be interesting if you can recognize me, because there's no way i can walk past you and not know. regardless, we know who's worth more. or rather, i do.

2007-07-08T19:33:00.000+08:00

"She had been like a volcano, smoldering and shuddering, then erupting hot. Now she lay like warm wax beneath him, her body meltingly soft with passions spent."

if that's not some serious analogy for hot sex.
only nora roberts.

2007-07-07T18:10:00.000+08:00

and so, i have a few choice words for MCPs (male chauvinistic pigs): wank off ~~love~~.

good looks do not exempt you from fault. hence, since you DO NOT possess any, it's even worse.
it's hilarious, really.

boyfie spoiled me, simply put. i am over-fed with oldchangkee, STARBUCKS, bubble-tea, macs, chickenrice. and he occupied my mind completely, so, it's been a pleasant day.

HAHA we didn't end up playing the interhouse games. it rained like crazy, coldness. so naz angela me went to kfc, drew messages on the glass panels begging them to allow us in so naz could pee, lol. poor angela, she clocked in only 10mins of being-in-school time.

if my passages and sentences sound awkward, it's because i'm typing with one hand whilst on the phone with the other. awkward position. plus, i'm sleepy.
so i'm off to nap.

Let's not kill the karma
Let's not start a fight
It's not worth the drama
For a beautiful liar

2007-07-06T20:55:00.000+08:00

so, i can say that today has been one fcuked up day. put it in simple terms, i screwed up all my h2 papers so far, and my math, and i'm pretty sure i screwed up lit too. dear God, i don't care if i screwed up other papers, but i was so sure of history, i really was, i didn't envision any grade lower than a D. (yes, very high expectations for me, but so what? it's hardly like it affects you anyway) then i get asked the most ridiculous questions which i don't even know existed.

it's something like, walking on a wooden bridge all unsuspecting and unknowing and suddenly plunging through a hole that wasn't there. and landing with a rude, sharp shock.

dear God, i didn't expect this not when half the reason i smile in school is you. such a heartbreak it was to find out from the masses instead.

and dear God, this is sec3 all over again. no one to talk to, no one who cares, or even think to ask if i'm ok. as though everything in the past meant nothing, and all that matters was the petty present.

so help me God, if i get tired, and upset, and depressed. because right now, i can't say anything at home because the family already has so, so much to handle. i can't handle losing my family, any of them, but he's so old already. i'm not even working.

the only bright spark today was collapsing in relief and tears in baby's arms, after 9 whole days of not being able to talk, and worse, not being able to share. it was like finally being able to breathe deep after breathing shallow for the past few days.

i have netball tomorrow, go Cougar. i hope it's a good one, i could use some cheer.
and dear God, even my shooting was affected. better buck up.

2007-07-05T17:37:00.000+08:00

so, it's been a not-very-nice day.

*i was mistaken for an ITE student in the morning
*worse still, the same person told me i don't look JC at all
*and my econs results have proven that indeed i most probably belong in an ITE (no offense intended to you who are in ITE)
*it's been one long dragged-out day as every thursday has always been with our somewhat screwed timetable
*on the way home, i was so engrossed in thinking about what benj said that i walked right past a guy in a startling lime-green jersey who gave me one very knowing-and-calculative look as he cycled past me. only when it sank in 10 seconds later, i realise it's the same guy who has unsettled issues with the boyfie and the same guy whom i pulled a joke upon just to see him all paiseh with said boyfie. dear God, i know i saw a flash of lime green right across the road whilst i was unlocking the doors.

i don't need to get pulled into anything stupid right now, or anytime, really.

i called it stupid to care about something i don't know whilst in a temper just now leaving school.
i think it's stupider when i realise i do care because it means something to me when i get home.
oh, syafs, aren't you the bigger fool?

baby come back to me
i need you

2007-07-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

dear diary,

so, school has started, and i don't mind it so far. well actually no, i do mind because somehow when school started i automatically start to get super tired upon reaching home. in addition, my appetite multiplies itself when i am in school. this is, quite frankly, not a nice thing to happen.

i had PE and netball just now, and i can feel my muscles pull. it is a nice ache though.
i am bored already, doing this. so, bye diary.

xoxo,
syafs

2007-07-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME I HAVE A LOT A LOT A LOT OF CLOTHES ALREADY AND THAT I DON'T NEED MORE.

because of my absolutely impulsive tendencies to pounce on new-found phases of fashion loves, eg. babydoll dress-top, i already have 5 babydoll dresses, two of which have the same design but are in different colours. the other three share the same pattern, but whereas one has it's own design, the other two are also same design but different colours.

what is it about girls wanting to have the same kind of clothings in different colours, and as wide a range as possible???

it's like my tank tops, i now have over 20, tanks and bustier tubes and raberbacks.
and my jeans, same kind different sizes and colour.

at any rate, i have a feeling i might not wear ~~some~~ most of my new clothes because the babydoll thingies make me look fat, or worse, preggos. the horror. i got carried away with the pretty things =/

actually, no, looking fat in clothes never really stopped me from wearing them because a) i don't like wasting my money, and b) sometimes i look a lot better in them when i'm in the right mood, and c) i kind of don't care. hey, if i have to care about everytime somebody thinks i'm fat i'd have wasted my life away. i take comfort in the fact i have boobs and a butt, heh.

look, one of the babydoll dresses. it's purple twin is cute too.

the mendaki peeps. a random picture (:

this is rabiatul adawiyah, a pretty little thing i found at the baby cukur rambut i attended over on sunday. she has the longest lashes, ever.

STAY SHARP FOR SUCCESS. i'm the only one paying attention to the camera, as usual, the absolute camwhore that i am.

the darling i miss very, very much. <3>

dears!

that hot nathan hartono whom i declared so right in his face. i swear, i wasn't thinking.

more snaps. that lysa's hair is in the way!

LOL LOL LOL look at his outfit yo!

testing out our, or rather, my camera.

le sigh, school starts tomorrow, and i have a burning desire to want to doll up and wear my new clothes out and about around SG. there's something about organizing your closet which makes you want to go out everyday because you see so many potential outfits you want to wear out with your freshly-assorted accessories. hurhur.

you know, i'm actually looking forward to school reopening, for some reason. there's something to be said about tottering around the blocks shuffling between classes and the rush. i kind of like it (minus the times when i am completely stoned, of course). i somehow have the mood to start school, yay.

now, let's see if this lasts.
be good everybody, and have a good one!

2007-06-30T14:26:00.000+08:00

so, it's over, exams over, midyears over, WOOTS!

it's just having to wait for my results. i predict U grades for econs and maths, and hopefully, passes for lit and history (as long as the teachers see the argument in my somewhat long-winded and haphazard essay) and a decent pass for GP.

dear God, i don't seem to ask for much. how sad is that?

and now, the bones beneath my little finger aches hard cause of the harried writing for 4 hours yesterday, and woots woots woots.

i love hot chocolate. heat up the cold milk in your fridge, and then add milo powder. voila, singaporean version of a decently yummy treat when STARBUCKS ain't nearby.

speech day was love. love because i miss my friends. love because i remember the stupid times we walked the corridors of anderson secondary. love because i was a happier, simpler girl back then. love because, as cliche as this sounds, i was an innocent, sheltered, protected being last time; we all were.

oh, heck, jc's screwed us over twice.
i have pictures.

look at us, such a diverse mix of JCs and polys. we did good, we all did good. the malay kampung of ANDSS did really well. and heck, we landed on our feet, all of us. nobody can tell us we're stupid, or hopeless cases, and lost causes. darlings, our L1R5s and current institutions tell a different story.

and then, the best girls and i went off to esplanade to pick up shiks, and then then chilled at SBOF. hearts the newyork cheesecake shiks! and i will post up pics of us later, because you know how posting pictures in the middle of posts screws up your paragraphing.

i have a funnaye one to post too!

missing you love. come back safe and sound.

2007-06-28T12:56:00.000+08:00

hey there delilah here's to you
this one's for you

ok so my hair is a lovely dark shade of brown now, hurhur. although i somehow feel that it looks about the same as my old copper shade, i realise that when i turn my head to the left to check my hair out in my closet mirror whenever i sit on the bed, i somehow look darker up about the top. so, yes, the dye works. AND it sorts of leaves this double-highlight effect thingie on my hair; i see flashes of red and copper when the light shines or when i flip it round. YAYNESS.

now all i have to do is pray the dye doesn't run down =p

i am a mixed bundle of nerves. i have a migraine. i need panadol extra strong.

i have a new love for butterfly clips, although God forbid i fall in love with the mini-humps on the forehead with all your hair pulled straight back and slicked. eeeewwww. people please messy hair is love love love. gotta have hair sticking out everywhere.

ok i should go mug history and lit.

2007-06-27T21:47:00.000+08:00

i'm currently sitting here right now with my head wrapped in a towel awaiting my dark chocolate hair dye to seep deep down into my hair roots and burnish my silky hair with a gorgeous silky rich finish. i have faith in revlon simply because the last time i used it my hair did come out a rich shade of black/brown (as rich a shade as it can get anyways).

maths paper was a bitch, enuff said.

STARBUCK-ED myself to death with passion tea and hot chocolate, hmphf. syafs you're going to gain back all the weight you lost over the last 2 weeks of holidays, damn you. CONTROL. but it was nice stoning there at ckarke quay by myself, nodding off into sleep. it helps i get discounts too =p despite the fact i went a little overboard with the syrup for my passion tea, as i always do.

baby got himself into a mix, and i'm worried worried worried. cause i'm going to miss him if it follows through, hurrrrr. ah wells it's been coming, really, but at least it's got it's positive parts too, like constant exercise. you know how hot some guys get when they sweat.

i can't wait for my hair to outgrow this awkward uneven-bob-at-shoulder-length phase. i'm going to cut it even and sleek, and start growing it out into layers, then settling it into baby layers at chest-length. God i've been planning this since march, so hurry hurry hurry!

i got a bunch of roses from a stranger, interesting aye? i'll post up a picture of the lovely bouquet once i get it from baby.

somehow i feel the urge to dress up make up go out go wild. you know, i go through this phases whenever i get bored, or if i bought a new outfit i'm dying to wear, or if i have a new haircut which rocks or a new hair colour, or if i'm just dying to spend money like a utter girl.

gosh bimbo much?

ok, i got to go rinse the dye off, it's giving me a headache.
hope the colour's hawwwttt.

2007-06-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

so help me God, i cant concentrate until i hear it.

damnit to Hades where are you sweetheart?

2007-06-26T20:23:00.000+08:00

ok, i am sufficiently calm and rested enough to talk now, really.

let me finish up the rant, and i'm done.

you know, pre-kental days, my taste always ran to the mixed or expat guys. i RARELY find chinese guys appealing, and malay guys must have an added oopmh to be deemed desirable.

i always knew about half the expat guys don't see us respectably.
i just never encountered any of them, until now.
vahid, is officially the most chauvinistic male pig i have ever had the misfortune to meet in my entire 17 years of existence.

first off, asshole, i am not your typical SPG, even though i'm malay.

digression; this is exactly why i despise girls of my own race sometimes; they've given us such a bad name (ie, cheap).

i don't easily sway just because you're expatriate. your good looks are unfortunately tarnished by your attitude which i deem falls even lower than the manwhore i know because you fall somewhere BENEATH the slums crawling away with the unmentionables. and yes, i have a malay boyfriend, what of it? "haha i thought you were different, but you can settle for a malay boyfriend?" heck my malay boyfreind doesn't insult me the way you just did. mind you, you were the one who asked me for my number.
you were the one who sms-ed me nonstop six months ago.
you were the one who smsed me today, asking me to be your girlfriend.

and you tell me to "shut up and stop wasting my time!"?

oh honey, you're such an ironic DICK, really.

i'm guessing you're striking out with the women in your life at present which explains why you're reduced to smsing a girl who has NEVER replied a SINGLE of your smses before this one, and this is only because you CHANGED your number. i'm sorry vahid, not getting any?

too bad. you're definitely not getting any from me. you were so lucky to even know me, please.

and hey, you were the one who couldn't stop smsing me even after i found out who you were and wasn't friendly any more with my smses when you became RUDE after i didn't pick up your phone call. talk about d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e. you're such a loser boy.

and final point; yeah, insult me with your vulgarity, insult my boyfie, and now you insult my ass? honey, you were the one LUSTING after my butt in the first place. and no, you can never find any other malay girl like me in singapore with my ass simply because a)they're not me, and b) this butt's classic (i don't care how narcississtic that sounds, but in this case it's true) so you can stick with your wet dreams about my butt and me that i know for a fact you must get because you know you're never going to get me.

and you can head on right down to find girls who're willing to sleep with you to get rid of that desperate lust you must be having right now. i think about $50 is enough to get you a couple of times through. i'm not too sure of the pricing though, i have to admit. i'm not from your world.

last lap boy; good luck finding decent girls in singapore; most of us have spine and backbone and we don't lie down and take your underhanded slimy insinuations quietly, neither do we laugh it off. we scratch right back. you've seen me, you'll get it from any other respectable singaporean girl. so, good luck (though i don't mean it, really) because you're desperately going to need it.

Vahid of 82005565, you can sink to your knees and start thanking God you had the pleasure of meeting me, and then eff right out of my life please because i think i kind of wasted precious time of it on your kind of creature, tsk. what precious time of it i could be putting to good use filing my nails.

right now that i've gotten the need to be bitchy out of my system, i can fully admit that i should never have allowed such slime to knock me off my self-confidence and self-assurance. that one got in one good blow there with my mental psyche, but i'm back up and running. let's pray this is the last i hear from him, asshole. i actually wished he'd get AIDs or something from a one night stand tonight.

how am i so sure he's going be sticking his dick into vaginas tonight? cause throughout his vulgar smses to me was an undertone that this guy is desperately needing a fcuking cause he's way too horny and reduced to trying to find an easy fcuk.

ah, wells.

so lesson learned here is; expatriate men have very, very low opinions of us SG girls, sadly enough. they forget there's a class of us who have so much more going for us than our other questionable counterparts who, unfortunately, are a different breed.

and this just strengthens my womanist roots so much more.
DEATH TO MCPs.

right now, i'm off to do maths. life moves on.
and syafs just got a little stronger, i hope.

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Know it's over before it began

2007-06-26T16:45:00.000+08:00

i have just crossed paths with a certified labelled JERK-CIBAI-FUCKER-SIALAN-SONDOL by the name of VAHID at the number 82005565. people, feel free if you want a cheap quick fuck by some desperate kaninabocaocibai guy who's russian or italian or whatever slum-race he happens to be in.

let me elaborate.

this asshole, whom i stupidly gave my number to six months ago when i was working in bugis, smsed me with a different number, and i was caught off-guard. when i chose to resist his advances, he turned very, very nasty over sms. started insulting my race, my boyfie, and my ass, of all things.

and stupidSTUPID me just had to tell my sick, unwell boyfie about it, who's currently in touch with the FUCKER trying to shut him up. and who i'm afraid will indulge their natural caveman instincts to settle this physically.

help me God, i'm having a headache, i'm nauseous, and i can't think straight, and there's a major math paper tomorrow. oh, no.

i'm annoyed, insulted, and most of all, worried. the latter for the boyfie.

and i'm off to get a little shut eye because i really feel like vomiting.
actually no, i'm going to go vomit out my lunch.

and i mean it.

2007-06-24T14:56:00.000+08:00

you see, i could have sworn i felt my heartstrings pull when i watched the video on zahd's blog.

4/3 loves, i miss you, even if you don't me.

the moments with G.

then bingyun came to be my seat partner.

kicking soonkiat's chair to ask him foir help or simply because i was bored.

turning around to wake nigel up every lesson.

laughing with syafz and zahd who're two seats in front.

turning to beam at schazwan and weihong.

running down to the canteen with zahd and syafz to avoid the crowd.

morning gatherings with our nescafe mocha&latte for those of us who desperately need caffeine shots or chocolate rush.

happily pouncing on syafz right before we have to put our bags down.

watching the boys play carrom.

changing in class and trying to be incospicuous about it.

sneaking food.

going to the toilets every break.

this is when i just have to sit down and force myself not to cry. because if i do, i'm never going to adjust. so weird, i love my new friends, but i have trouble not wanting things to go back the same way it was back in andersonSEC. oh, God.

i don't know maybe it's post pms. or pre. whichever.

i'm in desperate need of chocolate to cheer me up.

2007-06-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

ok i am SO PISSED OFF it's amazing. i have never, ever felt the urge to do something drastic until now. really. i just emptied my entire dressing table onto the floor, cause it's better than throwing a perfume bottle straight at the wall.

i am so hurt, so angry, so furious, so frustrated i want to burst. you know that feeling when there's so much inside you want to throw your head back and scream for the world to hear? that kind of fury and frustration and hurt? yeah, that's exactly what i'm feeling.

i just want to run right out. i want to do something very, very violent. i feel like destroying something, i really do. i don't think i've ever detested so, so much.

the worse part is that it's not just one, it's BOTH. what a record. i really don't want to see or talk to or cross path with them for the next 10 years the way i'm feeling right now, really.

so much for daddy's girl.

KNNBCCB.

really, i'm not kidding. i need to break something.

Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?

2007-06-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

ahhahha I'M SCREWED yo. the studying ain't happening yo.
let's put it this way; i need two months of 'holidays'.

as i type, mtv plays in the background,

digression; "amnesia, who's amnesia, is she here?"
people, tyra banks can't act for nuts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ahhahha i am so so so screwed.
back to tyra yo.

2007-06-20T21:34:00.000+08:00

it's drama central here at block 616 yishun ring road.
stay tuned for updates.

=/

2007-06-14T20:17:00.000+08:00

off to kl now, SHOPPING! har har =D
by God's grace i will be back by sunday.

be good now.

2007-06-13T15:27:00.001+08:00

i think i just gave myself an ultimatum. it's interesting how i'm starting to get tired. it's a build-up of everything, really. i can't take it anymore; i'm losing my head. i hate being taken for granted. i think it's a side effect of being brought up sheltered; i end up having standards. and when i think about it, the standards i set for myself aren't high at all. they're BASIC. that's worse isn't it, when you don't meet it?

i'll be interested to see how this plays out.

2007-06-10T16:05:00.000+08:00

You are a direct flirt

You know who you want and you go after them. If they’re not interested, then you shrug it off because there are plenty more potential hot dates out there. You don’t waste time and, because of this, you have a high chance of finding Mr. or Miss Right (Now).

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

once upon a time, maybe.
heh ;)

2007-06-10T13:03:00.001+08:00

-[ Syafiqah ]-

Led the 2009 world revolution towards world destruction

'What" will you be remembered for?' at QuizGalaxy.com

peace-loving me. huh.

	The Twelve Days of Christmas for syafiqah:

Day #	Who?	What they got you

1st		The secret of fire
2nd		An 18th Century canon
3rd		An unsolvable Rubik’s cube
4th		A fondue set
5th		A Freddie Krueger mask
6th		A piece of string tied in a knot
7th		A goldfish
8th		X-ray glasses
9th		Wart removal bandages
10th		Pandora's box – at least that's what they said it was, I can't open it.
11th		A Sigmund Freud action figure
12th		Pandora's box – at least that's what they said it was, I can't open it.

Take this Quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
( or, take the 'adult' version at QuizUniverse.com )

i like the chocolate fondue.

MISSING: syafiqah

Was last seen watching harold and kumar

what the hell is a harold&kumar?

ok.

You are syafs.
(Your alter-ego is syafiqah)

Your super-hero ability:

Resurrect the corpse of any B celebrity to join your undead army

'What" is your superhero ability?' at QuizGalaxy.com

of all things.

i like them, but i'd rather bring my laptop.

2007-06-10T11:39:00.000+08:00

syafiqah is most likely to get laid in The Gambia, in a swank hotel.

interesting.

syafiqah --
[noun]:

A person of questionable sanity who starts their own cult

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

the first part's true. i can feel my sanity dying with every breath i take, every secnd that passes. my fever's going to be the death of me. my flu will contribute to my torturous death. my mind will give way under the worrying, the unstoppable indecision, the confusion.

help me, God.

i need a chocolate cream chip frap desperately.

2007-06-10T11:23:00.001+08:00

'What" will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

well. at least i know ~~somebody~~ something will miss me.

the trip was fun-cum-horrible, the homecoming was horrible.
enough said.

2007-06-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

it is currently 2:18am now and i am due to awake at 4:00am for my negeri sembilan trip. everything's packed, sirprisingly, and the only thing bothering me right now is the fact that i might run out of music to listen to by the time i reach there because the boyfie has my earpiece. damnit.

never mind, never mind, i will listen to my handphone quietly. forgive me oh fellow passengers.

at any rate, just wanna say bye bye and that i'll be back friday, God willing. going to miss my family, my girls, boyfie, clean toilets and relatively-decent-weather-compared-to-the-humidity-aross-the-Causeway. and my bedroom; my entire life's in there i tell you.

AND TO ANSWER MADH; yes i'm going with the school =D did you guys have a homestay too?

gonna be using a prepaid card whilst across the Causeway, so shall be uncontactable for the next three days, unless you know the number, which you don't cause only my family and boyfie have been told. just got it like, 2 and a half hours ago, no kidding. sorry peeps =/

i have been told it will be an interesting trip. and my instincts tell me it might be, in more ways than one. i am...intrigued.

bye dear people. do take care and pray i return safely.

2007-06-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

a shout out to my best girl; HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! I ♥ you so so much <3
some pictures of the day, and the past few.

today, at swensons. clashing colours, aye?

look at my mum's face!

now we both have rocking specs!

my neck looks chunky in this, but somehow i just like the pic.

i match the seat and advert. i just realised how much i like that adidas jacket i'm wearing, when i've had it for over half a year and never wore it cause i thought it's too off. i'm weird, i know.

all that aside, nicenice day today =D got tops from dorothy perkins, shoes for mum, cakes for mum, snakcs for kentaldarling, and aching feet walking from bugis to esplanade. ouhhhhh. i do declare swensons one of my favourite restaurants though, i love the pastas there. i had the chili fish pasta, mum had the crayfish pasta, we happily devoured the USfries with its yummy dips, and i got more unhealthy.

boyfie does not like crowds =/ i understand actually; i detest crowds when i'm in rush rush moods, but other times i don't really mind. anyhoo, it's cool. i'll just drag him shopping on weekdays.

sat and stoned at esplanade, talk talk talk. i like it. that's what i'm born to do. i'm a stone nut. i sit and stone and stone some more. if i'm not shopping, i'm sitting somewhere stoning. stone stone stone what a beautiful state to be in. and it did clear my mind. my thoughts are now voiced out and known. and i can conclude; i'm ok. i'm more than ok actually; i'm really good. put it this way; i'm a very, very lucky girl to be preotected. and guess what, IT'S A GREAT THING.

my kids will get the same treatment. my boys will not be mollycoddled, but i'll make sure they know what's black and what's white, and that it'll break my heart if they do anything that's so, so obviously wrong. God gave you a brain, i educate you in terms of morals and religion, and if you still want to do the wrong things, then let me tell you, it's a horribly weak character you have. it takes a rare, rare few to pull themselves together after that. why even do it when you know it's wrong? that's just plain dumb. but they're going to be good boys; soccer and camps and hearty appetites. my girls, however, are going to be SHELTERED with a capital SHELTERED. because for girls, (and those in my race&religion in particular) there's no turning back from the bad once you're tainted. because a permanent mark is always, always on you, a mark that nobody can ever get back for you. God willing, my girls will have class, virtue, and everything pure i can give them. i refuse to let them be the typical sl*ts or minahs on the streets because they're so much more. they can share everything and anything with me, always.
my door's always open to my kids.

all you aspiring mothers out there, tell me i'm not going overboard with this. isn't this what you want for your kids? besides good health and good looks?

kidding the end part there =p

i can't wait to have my own family when i'm ready. actually i don't mind being a mum all my life but you can't survive in SG like that. gotta work for spending money!

stoned at marinasq too. just sat there and be.

i need time to settle my mind again. this is typical me; overanalysing things to death. but heck, it's fine. i'll amuse myself, otherwise i'll never sleep at night. other than that, i gave it my best, and God will help.

i think i need a chocolate brownie pronto. don't you all feel sleeeeeeepy, and chocolatey at night? i do.

2007-06-02T02:04:00.000+08:00

i am still wide awake at 2:05am, how's that?

just some random rants because i feel like it.

damnit i am BROKE. get it, BROKE. i am not working (unfortunately) and hence, my allowance is precious to me, especially since it's my dad's contribution to ME. and i want so many pretty things but i can't, and yes that is very shallow of me, but eff it, i am in current need. techinically, i should be showered with stuff, but noooooo i'm not asking for that, i just want to have sufficient money FOR MY OWN SPENDING. i get sick when my budget's thrown off because of this. DAMNIT.

i am very, very fussy with money. some people borrow money from me, but that's ok because they always pay me back. some, however, just SAY IT but don't pay back; PISSING ME OFF. heck if you can't afford it, GO TO HELL don't use mine. suffer for it the way i'm doing because you can't budget. too bad, so sad NOT.

sorry for the outburst, but i am in sore lack of money.
i need somebody richrichRICH to give me a million bucks to spend and another million to put in stocks so that my money never runs out.

2007-06-01T21:53:00.000+08:00

What in the world, what in the world;
Could ever come between us?

just a quick summary k.

i love shopping-with-syafz-at-bugis.
i love bugis.
i have new updates to my wishlist (HELP ME GOD).
so help me, i am going to RAVAGE bugis the next time i go there.

so something interesting took place just now. simply put, the same guy whom my guy bloodied once and who has met me in my guy's presence actually asked for my number. very amusing it was indeed to chat with him (and seeing just how very gabrah he is trying to keep up) and even more so when he met darling&me together half and hour later.

i'm sorry this is mean, but it was funnayeeeeeee.

anyways, i'm off. got to prepare my mum's birthday present. i intend to give it tonight because i have have have to see her expression ASAP; my present's hot. ahhahha.

2007-06-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

it's silly, really.

i amuse myself. it takes a walk through some blogs, and the most unexpected clicks on the mouse to make me take a look at my life, and realise, that maybe i'm a very, very lucky girl, after all. i don't have the hot-ass figure, the flawless complexion, the long&luxurious hair, the rich-ass family, the high-IQ brain, the exotic looks, the poise&charm of the well-bred who never make fools of themselves (i'm cringing at the embarrassing incident i had just now in front of a complete babe OUCH) but then again, life ain't so bad. i have so much more than other people in the world do, shouldn't i be grateful? and for the people who just happen to have everything in life go the way they want it to go...that's ok, really. they lack sorely in some other parts. at the end of the day, i have a roof over my head, too much food to consume, a wardrobe which i can't shut (i'm not kidding), brains enough to know that i'm just a lazy person who needs to apply herself, family who loves me enough to want me to succeed (i keep telling myself that to account for their overNOSY tendencies), lovely girlfriends whom i meet often enough to catch up on, a good school&class, a sweet boyfie whom i can safely say life will never be stagnant with, hair which isn't long&luxurious but short&edgy with a fringe now (yay yay!) and a kick-ass colour (sorry i just like the bleach very much), skin which could be a whole lot worse really, and a comfy life.

i ~~guess~~ know it's human nature to want to have better, be better, get better, all the time but have we ever stopped to smell the flowers, to realise that yes, we are lucky people, irregardless( yes i know that's grammatically wrong) of the little irritants in our lives. i mean, it could be so, so much worse, couldn't it? i could have been the many minahs on the streets. i could have been the shotgun kinds. i could have been the wasted kinds. AND SAYING THESE DOESN'T MAKE ME SAFE FROM THE POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT STILL BE but my point is not to look down, but simply to thank God that life, so far, has been blessed, so so much, and that i have been a fool to not have realised that. also that i am an idiot so much so that i push my own luck sometimes. i should really start to check myself.

i will always and forever complain that i want to be prettier, thinner, sweeter, smarter than what i am now. but i know that at the end of the day, i'm good, i really am. the complaining's just to be bitchy about life. other than that, eveything's really good. all i have to do now, is put in effort to make sure that it stays that way, and pray.

one last thing before i go;

i remember what our prom motto was, what happened at hyatt, stays in hyatt. and at that time, we were on a high and being silly and having such petty fun =D but my point is this.

the saying implies that whatever took place in that certain time and place should never have any relation or mention in ourn everyday life. trueee. but what happens when it's something that happened that leaves an impact in our lives? something major.

just food for thought.
you see, i have a different context in this case, but upon which i'm not telling because i'm a little confused with myself. go figure.

2007-06-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

5 mins break from the horrible entity i call GPP.

love my day out, despite the rain. and guess what? i met lee kuan yew (: no kidding, i really did. i was at one fullerton waterfront, me and darling, and we were stretched out on the ground napping in the sun, when suddenly i woke up, and stared straight into a group of men, in shirts and trousers. with my beloved eyesight i didn't recognize lee kuan yew at all (also because i avoided looking at the other men besides the one nearest to me because i was kind of embarrassed to be caught napping in the sun by the waterfront). until i kind of put my head back onto my arms and rolled over to nap again, nudging my darling in the process causing him to sit up awhile and register the people there. when i woke up a minute later after the men had walked away, i commented "Wonder why those guys were hanging around the area?"

darling looked at me, and said "That was lee kuan yew there just now."

i blinked. "Oh."

right. i just HAD to miss the fact that i met the man who pretty much built singapore almost face to face, well, face to shoe considering how i was stretched out on the ground happily in the sun napping. lovely syafs, just lovely.

that was pretty much the highlight of my day.
i can't believe i missed syafz break by just a minute. sorry darlz, i'll drop by again sometime soon aye. muahhs love you baby (: i need to make a diva date with you sometime next week aye.

tagboard replies;

yuzhe/ sometime soon baby, promise!
madhiah/ ahhhha yes yes i miss the mass convos! funny funny crap=D
ankita/ as soon as i get my butt moving to change the template, aye!
joel/ AHA you're back! thank you so so so much for the koala darling!
nas/ miss you lah babe. must go kacau syafz at work one day with super customized drinks.
joel/ yes i am perpectually online forever. uh huh uh huh
slik/ baby, we have a shopping date dueeeee
soph/ yeah lah must go shopping soon. GSS yo!

alright, been 10m minutes, back to GPP BLEARGH.

i think the first barrier's broken. maybe. interesting, maybe i am right.
and help me God, i don't want to be. such pain if i am.

2007-05-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

I AM BEING CONCERNED damnit. does it look like i enjoy it?

do what you always do, walk away. solves so much doesn't it. i just love having my heartstrings pull when you do that. especially after missing you so fcuking much. just ask anybody; i make references to you all the damn time. i live my life to tell you how to live yours, i have so much time on my hands after all to nag about responsibility and discipline and work ethic. JUST WALK AWAY. break your promise to me and walk away. just keep doing that.

best part, i have to bear the brunt of my temper. now another perfume bottle broke, and two rings just lost their precious stones. FCUK syafs STOP TAKING TEMPER OUT ON YOUR THINGS.

vesak day tomorrow, i wonder wonder what my plans are. i'm not sure if my original plans are still on after all. HAH.

2007-05-30T00:24:00.002+08:00

i feel like slapping myself sometimes. i mean, really, i'm such a horrible person. i am one of the luckiest persons on the earth (what do i have to complain about, honestly?) and yet i'm not happy. far be it actually. i'm constantly wanting to improve and update the little irritants in my life. i should just thank God.

i am ungratefool.
and yes, that's a new word. syafiqah invented it, so there.

i need money. loads of it. it's the GSS baby.

think again syafs dear. it's so easy to believe you're a different breed. sometimes you wonder what is it really that sets you apart. worse; if anything actually sets you apart, or whether it's all wishful thinking. i have to wonder sometimes. something so not worth bothering actually. but if i choose to do it the practical way, it would mean i'm becoming the kind of girl who doesn't care, when in fact, i should care, so very much. because like it or not, this means something to me. it sets the whole world on shake actually. so interesting, how all these petty little issues can fcuk your mind up so bad when it's probably the most minute thing to others involved.

i still believe i'm a different breed from you. and yes, i am. it's now only a question of whether or not i'm a higher breed. i am definitely a better breed; but how much? sometimes the difference can be so that it matters not. if it is such, i'm working to make the gap bigger. i refuse to be your kind. this is not snobby, or ego, or elitist. this is pride, honour, and respect. whatever that takes place in my life, i will not regret because it is my own choosing. i will not make the same falls you took honey. i am, after all, suppose to know better. heck, i have 10 years of education in that field, i should know better. now, it's my pride talking.

i know it's easy to talk the talk.
i will ensure i do everything in my power to walk the walk.
i never want to go your path, ever.

and i really don't. i am something different. i choose to remain so.
dear God, i really hope i do.

2007-05-27T23:55:00.000+08:00

i am emotionally drained. this is a bit too much for me to take.

not the first, hopefully the last. i can't take is like this all the time, i really can't. it was never easy to gain my trust; please don't lose it. i don't want you to, i really don't, but i can't take it like this all the time. please don't make me walk away. i don't want to give up.

but nevertheless, ily very very much.

HAH went to dinner/supper with my parents, what loves. they miss me, i can see they miss me. they kept piling food onto my plate. and it was so, so nice to sit and talk crap, like our favourite starbucks coffee, and our baju raye colour this year (off-white-cream with gold threads!) AND my mum has promised to spend one day out on a girls' day out with just me! *squeals* yay yay yay we're going to have funnnnnnn. HAH i can't wait.

my day was really pretty much wasted, honestly. i am very disappointed. and very hurt. but i did manage to visit my lerkthai friends, and THE DEAR BUGGER JOEL gave me a beanbag plush koala! *squeals squeals* such an adorable creature, almost as adorable as me! ahhaha ok ok maybe not, but thanks joel! i'm really touched. that's the first soft toy someone outside the family has given me =D

i foresee much trips to novena square 2. i miss my lerkthai friends muchoz.
as much as i miss my girls.
and faris.
and syafz and zahd.
and nas.
and g.
and linda.

i miss my life the way it was, sigh.

one thing i ranted to my mum non-stop today;

HOW MUCH I DETEST UNGRATEFOOL (no that's not a spelling error cause i am intending to spell it that way) FOLKS WHO KEEP COMPLAINING HOW FAT THEY ARE, WHEN THEY ARE IN THE ACCEPTABLE WEIGHT RANGE, AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO REALISE THAT THEY HAVE IT BETTER THAN 95% OF THE WORLD OUT THERE.

i am in TAF. thereisaidit. think it's easy to want to admit? think again. i might be tall, and curvy with the boobs and butt but ever crossed your mind that i am, scientifically proven, out of the healthy weight range for my oh-so-tall height? i have decided; i will not complain about my size. i gripe, of course, which girl doesn't, but i will be thankful that i am currently in a decent state, and will work towards losing weight for my own self. other than that, excuse me if i refuse to agree with any i-am-fat-somebody-kill-me kind of statements.

i'm sorry, such an outburst, but i was confronted with yet another ungratefool being complaining about her nonexistent fats while at square2, so i am feeling like i want to scream.

if you'll excuse me, i'm off to drink lots of water to cleanse my body of the FATS i ate during dinner just now. or i might just decide to stick a finger down my throat and throw it all out. or, maybe i should just swallow all the indigestion pills i can find so that i'll expel all the toxins from my body, aye?

ok. sorry.

picture flurry!

2007-05-27T01:02:00.000+08:00

a random flurry of pictures i have a sudden urge to post. enjoy (:

cousin dearest, best of luck this monday!

you lovely mendaki peeps are the best!

darling and me in our respective uniforms the first week ♥ how time flew.

what i wore to the lovely wedding just now. please, don't laugh.

desserts ny darling pampered me with (:

these sweethearts make my day!

yes, i know i look awful, but look at the contrast between mine and naz's hair.

i miss these two loves. we ought to have a bitching session, like, SOON.

my dear, dear faris whom i miss like crap.

the cutie cousin ferusha begum (:

it's a sudden photo fetish.

and lastly, the darlings i miss very, very much...

damnit, loves. it's been forever.

2007-05-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

it's amazing, how when i first saw you, i found you so high up on a level i can't reach. it's even more amazing, that now i look at you, and i feel that i'm an entire lifestyle different. what's more, i like it that way, even though it means i don't have the freedom you do. i think it's better that way. and it's much, much more comforting when i realise, i can look at myself and no longer compare; simply because we're different, you and me, and that i'm so, so glad that we are. it means the world to me, it really does.

i think i learnt something new today.
something i always knew all my life, but found it so, so hard to not matter in this world where appearance plays such a vital part in our life.

i'm a different breed, and i'm a better one honey. i'll always remember what sets us apart to ensure i never strayed like you did. help me God.

it's never easy; that's life.

anyway. had such a great day today (: went to a sweet, beautiful wedding, dressed up (yay!) and had fun fun fun with my aunts and uncles. yes, the irony. i had fun with my aunts and uncles and grandaunts and granduncles. AND then food was so so yummaye. the eclairs simply melted in your mouth, cool huhs? and i was talking to syafz on the phone, and sms-ing zahd, HAH i miss those bitches =D

went home, changed, rushed to meet sweetie, who was, as usual, LATE. irritating, but the dear dear faris stayed on the phone with me the entire time, and i was in tears when i was talking to him. i miss him so much. gotta hang out soon baby. it's been much too long.

and who should i meet but ZAHD at citylink mall ahhahhha. i know it made your day to see me zahd, not the other way round =p

sat at the open area, laughed my ass off, watched the pretty pretty fireworks and simply enjoyed darling's company. it's been way to long since i just sat and stoned. the view was simply all dark dark sky, with the city lights. i love.

except that i have to remember to wear a longer top cause my tank was too short to properly cover my back when i sit down in jeans HUH.

had my lovable green tea frap with raspberry syrup, thanks to my scandal sitiK heh. so it was me and darling and rafi (yes the rafi from PYPS, lol) and sitiK from starbucks. i resolve to be a starbucks partner in two years! i love the place, i deserve a gold membership card or something. who else do you know who carries a copy of the starbucks delivery menu in her file? and again, laughed my ass off (sigh, if only i could REALLY laugh my fats off i'd be as thin and heidi klum by now) with rafi's dirrrty jokes. that guy ah, on marijuana or something, i swear. too cute lah.

tomorrow, i head down to square2 to bid farewell to my dear friends from lerkthai who'll be leaving for the phillipines soon, and welcome back the bugger joel from aussie! ahhahha i can't wait. miss my prosperity punch loads.

it's been a good day, thank you God.

2007-05-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

you like making me hurt, you really do.
here i am missing you, thinking about you, always wondering.

stupid.

i'm BAAAACCKK!

2007-05-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

Everybody, yeah (yeah)

Rock your body yeah (yeah)

Everybody

Rock your body right

BLOGGER'S BACK, ALRIGHT!

HAH =D

yay yay i can blooooooggggg! God i miss my blog. but i realise, i don't know where to start cause i've been away for so loooooong. eeeeeee fed up man.

anyways.

i can strike some things off my wishlist (read; the one in my school diary, not in my blog cause my blog only holds the BAREST minimum)because i have been so upset this past week, i pretty much blew my allowance. from now on, STRICTLY only for the bare necessities. i can't live the way i live right now. it's horrible. tank tops in every colour, two more pairs of jeans (one of which i actually already have its twin), random stuffs. i am such a shopping whore.

darling has officially POP! that's standing for Passing Out Parade; also known as the end of their first three months. something like our jc first three months, i guess. that aside, yay yay yay he's free, i'm free, we're both free. except i have to, urm, JUGGLE my timetable. yeahhh heh.

right now, i'm just excited at the fact that it's holidays. i've been counting since one month ago. that's long ok. and and i've been in absolute emotional turmoil this week due to some things, so now that everything looks like it's going to come up again, i am going to be happy too. life's too short for regrets and sadness.

i plan to have a very fruitful holiday this month =D not a second shall be wasted!
i'm off to plan some of it now, i'll be back later.

AND THAT'S A PROMISE, REALLY (:

2007-05-10T09:54:00.000+08:00

there's something wrong with the effed up blogger. the only reason i can post this now is because i saved a draft from bringing the laptop to school yesterday.

i haven't done lit ahhahhhahha i'm DEAD.
like i'm not in enough trouble.

seems like my weekend is going to be devoted to schoolwork huhhhhh. the darling has to understand. my life's work now is school. gotta get back into the good books. i'm so far down it's scary. you would think i'd be used to being the gone-case kind but nooooooooo my ego's deceived itself again HAH. tralalalalala i'm going to have trouble sleeping these days.

i'm getting pimple outbreaks. not good. my hair's not growing, and it's suffering. i can tell. i'm getting fatTER and unhealthIER. tskk my nails are becoming ingrown. the eyebags and shadows under my eyes are brand new (i have been lucky to never get eyebags or shadows before in my life) my skin is suffering; i can tell. the humidity and place is very very dirty. my period is currently making me feel =( i desperately need chocolate sobs sobs sobs.

i should be getting ready for school because it's 6:38am right now, but i don't want to get up. i'm so exhausted. the rain's making me want strange things.

i want to fall asleep in a huge white room with muted light filtered in through my white organza curtains. i need plants around the room to better clean my air. i want to fall asleep to the sound of waves breaking on the seabed. i want to fall asleep in my darling's arms. i want a huge king-sized canopy bed to collapse in. i need my hair shoulder length too. what a perfect picture.

yes, i know, i've said this before. so sue me it's the only indulgence i can afford right now.
ok i should get my lazy ass off the bed and into work.

pray i don't murder a particular creature with rebonded hair who treats the class like we're five and picks on siokxin for eating honeydew and shooed benj from her class and who is going to ruin my life in the coming future. let me put it this way; my enrolment is at stake here.

i think i just found someone who's worthy of my absolute disgust.
or it could just be my period.

2007-05-06T12:04:00.000+08:00

i am in a somewhat melancholic mood (i have lost track of the number of times my old old posts started with this line.)

i'm not sure why. maybe because the prospect of facing another week of school without any days off (read; labour day or something) just exhausts me. it's like, yay weekend, TGIF, etc etc etc, and then suddenly in the next breath it's like ohnohomeworktiredsleepytestsstudy and suddenly, you feel like life's lost all meaning and that you need to lay your head on a huge, fluffy pillow which reminds you of a puffy, white, clean cloud the size of the world, and letting all your worries just melt away, and letting you sleep for a thousand years until you wake up fresh and relaxed and lax.

right now, all i want to do is sleep in a huge bed with crisp sheets and satin lining. i want seven pillows fluffy and fat. the bed has to be in a room with white white white walls and only the barest minimum. i want a huge floor to ceiling window facing the ocean so that the ocean's at my feet whilst i'm sleeping. i want long, long light curtains which filter out the uv rays and only allow the muted sunlight to come into the room. i must have the aircon on at 19 degrees. the only colour i want in the room is a tall, ice cold jug of ribena (which has ice cubes that won't melt and never empty) which isn't the super sweet kind but the kind with only a hint of taste.

i will be back.
i have quick things to do.

nothing in this world can stop us tonight
i can do what she can do, so much better

2007-05-02T20:34:00.000+08:00

see them up there? they are my beloved cougar cheerleaders=D it's been such a fun experience, despite the hard work and sweat and tears. muahhs love you muchoz!

i just realise how much work i have to catch up on because i am a HUGE procrastinator. so much for not procrastinating when i get to jc huh. i am such an idiot, it amazes me sometimes.

didn't go to school today because my stomach did the rhumba all night. call it instinct, but i also had this terrible sense of foreboding if i did step into school today, so with my stomach already in a state, i decided for the benefit of all, not to go to school. huh i am such a weird person, i know.

met up with the darling mendaki peeps yesterday for lunch; that BUGGER haikal was latelateLATE. tskkk. i think it's a guy thing; most guys seem to have time management problems, my darling for one. not to sound insulting, but gee is it so so hard to be on time, or at least only 10 minutes late? (see see i have to lower my standards because lateness is a norm i am encountering EVERYWHERE)

at any rate, 'twas nice nice nice to see them again (: especially my darling bestie ruz, whom i miss terribly. we ought to do meet-ups more often youu. we ought to do a mendaki lunchie, since our lives are so hectic we can't afford to spare an entire day anyways. so, lunch is fine.

let me just state now that i am in LOVE with croc pumps because they are comfy, pretty, and they're nice shoes. good reasons, i know.

they also cost $50. anybody wanna buy them for me? i'd love you for life! =D

sigh. dream on syafiqah, really.

that aside, met up with the darling afterwards. haikal was nice enough to offer to stay back and wait with me whilst i was waiting for darling, and he also roped in the entire group. thanks guys! then me and darling went off to get his hair cut even more, (ahhahhha i just love watching people get their hair cut, really) and then we tried to enter timezone (which was PACKED) and finally decided to walk around cold storage whilst he goes grocery shopping (by which i mean he simply heads over to the household items section to clean out their supply of starch, and then burrow through the snacks section to stock up for camp). i am an expert on recognizing the smell of starch now because of the constant times i smell starch on his uniform. i think the lemony one smells good though.

after that the day soured a little because we had to settle some things in marsiling. i hate to sayn this, but i think it was a long time coming. it sickened me to see how quickly friendship can sour over petty issues of irresponsibility and material products, but at the same time, i knew how she was the first month after knowing her, hence it didn't really shock me much.

i remember sometimes losing my temper with her, and my language just turned sarcastic at times when dealing with her, but just as quickly i'd feel bad because she's always been nice to me (save for the beginning when she made fun of my accent) that aside, i think she was instrumental in a very marked turning point of my life, and it saddens me that things turned out this way. i don't feel at all happy.

my last vice; i really DO NOT LIKE the language used in the exchange, you two. HELLO vulgarities, i feel, were uncalled for.

i use vulgarities often (especially when dealing with maths and homework), but not to hurt. not a very wise way to deal with an already tensed situation.

darling pampers me. I AM GETTING FATTER. hence, the oh-so-delectable treats, no matter how tasty and yummy and sinful and chocolatey, is not helping baby =( although i love you even more with every treat you, well, treat me to. pamper me with anyways.

speaking of which, i am not not not sure why, but when i logged into msn this morning at around ten thirty, i realised that darling was online. the thing is, HE'S IN CAMP. tskkkk what on earth? i was so taken aback, until i noted the status "Away" huh knowing that kental he probably left his laptop on standby or at rest, and the programs all running. haiyerrr. either that, of his sister is using the laptop, which is highly doubtful because she ought to be in school. at any rate, weirdness.

i realise, the more i'm missing something, i tend to dream about it at night. this habit started right after i stopped working. very weird. i dreamnt about ginger snaps, about expresso brownies, greentea frappucinos with raspberry syrup, the kental, my beloved meanahs who are scattered throughout sg. huh=( speaking of which, how i miss the girls. i haven't spoken to any of them, save for the excited waving to qiddy around school, since forever.

i can't wait for darling's POP, and my june holidays.
i desperately need a holiday, damnit.
it would be nice to have holidays from the family, as much as i hate to say it. don't get me wrong, my mum and dad and sister and grandmother are my life, but it gets tiring having to account for my time in school and out, when i can't even pinpoint my schedule properly.

now that i think about it, maybe i need a little solo time.

i can't wait to go stone at starbucks central sometime this week.

i just went to check my blog to see how my post looks like, until i realise that i haven't actually posted this. somebody, slap me.

2007-04-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

COUGAR HOUSE GOT SECOND FOR CHEERLEADING! ahhahha am i happy or am i happy woots! like after all the sweat and muscle aches and rushrushpanicpanic we made it to second place *squeals* ahhahha my only vice with it is that we don't get tokens of appreciation of anything =( just the placing. but screw it lah, we did it YAY!

i just realise in spite of all the extra long hours of practise and everything, i am going to miss the people at cheer. qianning and meiying and sharmin and jiaying and peishan and saffy and danial and arlana and weicheng, especially, since i hardly ever see them. i think my cheer captain is one super soft-hearted girl lah, that qianning. she's always concerned with us. wouldn't switch her for anyone else. thanks for the never-ending encouragement, support and understanding. COUGAR COUGAR ALL THE WAY!

pictures up very very soon (:
and maybe videos too!

that aside, my muscles have this ache now, but it's that nice aching sore where you know it's a job well done kind of sore. yummayeeee i like i like. haven't felt like this in a long time.

i like my cheer outfit. it's got sentimental value. so maybe i look horrendously fat in it, but it's the memories, you know? i am going to miss the routine we did.

i would like to ask for my pom poms too but at the rate they shed, i think they'll be safer in school. heh. maybe next year we should try batons or something.

speaking of which, i think i'll join cheer next year. if siokxin or arlana becomes cheer ic, that is. super fun cann? i got a kick out of performing today, i'm already looking forward to next year. although i remember almost being on the verge of tears from the nervousness just now, before we performed. that dear, dear aloysious; he just made us laugh at the end. huh good thing too. and and it helped that our house sat right on the track to support us. i felt so comforted by that, knowing my class was nearby.

tralalalala MENDAKI OUTING TOMORROW i can't wait! hopefully i get to snatch some time with the darling too (:

tagboard replies;

/alvin- hi hunk!
/sophie- darling you weird lah. my fats jiggle so unattractively and you still like jiggling them tskk.love you for the support you gave=D
/[?]- somehow you sound like a certain BUGGER i know, but then again...hmphff.
/joel- stressed, but i'm happy too. hee hee you australian person who's happily enjoying life in aussie right now. don't kid me about the boring part. although i do understand the part about wanting to work again. restless, you know? miss you joel=D
/qiddaye-thanks baby! congrats on your house FIRST lah ahhahha. with my fats jiggling around? lol thanks thanks darling. muahhs!

i might have a long day tomorrow, tskk. plenty of work to catch up lahhh! grrrrr that's the typical procrastinating me, as usual. i shall get some work done tomorrow!

i'm in a better mood than i've been in a long time. that's saying something (:

2007-04-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

hey people i'm baaaackkk.

screw blogger which keeps eating my posts up. HMPHFFF go to hell.
quick quick update on the happenings of my life, which, honestly, is somewhat non-existent. i am going to do this is utter randomness and point-forms, or whatever that happens to come to my mind.

`cheer is taking up so much of my time and energy, it's amazing. i mean, when i'm not at cheer or anything, i just want to gripe non-stop about it. but surprisingly, when i am at cheer, i feel so happy to move. i just realise how much i honestly love to dance, no matter how amateurish i might be. it's just that i love music, and i like to move. it's just an addiction thing, i think.

`thanks to the dear siokxin, i discovered such a lovely new drink, GREEN TEA FRAPPUCINO W/ RASPBERRY SYRUP =D you people just have to bloody try it please please! such love ok. the flavours just make love to your tongue. i get happy just slurping that (yes slurping, i don't care how unglam that sounds) and i am in LOVE with passion tea too! it's just this whole tea thing going on.

`~~i hate school.~~ i feel abandoned, cheated, and angry at the fact that i'm in ajc sometimes, no matter how much i love my new friends (who have been such LOVES to me, you darlings). i don't like the arts timetable because i think some of the breaktimes are utterly ridiculous, i detest the fact that i keep procrastinating my homework when i thought doing my jc homework will be kind of fun because i'm taking subjects i really really like, and it's horrible trying to juggle my schedule all the time. i feel a little like a tug-of-war rope sometimes.

`i don't like the sudden monitoring of my movements in jc, damnit. i'm in already aren't i? so let me be, i'll handle my own time at my own pace. i didn't have this much problems back when i was working.

`i sometimes feel like screaming in the middle of school.

`i am snacking, NOT GOOD.

`my back hurts a lot.

`i have common tests in 2 weeks and a lot of work due come monday. cheer tomorrow, and maybe even day after. nuts, no? YES. i am going to have a mental breakdown.

`i get SICK of people who just don't know how to be grateful, who indulge in petty behaviour, or who just think the world revolves around them and them only. piss off.

`what's taking my hair a longLONG time to grow, helloooooo??:

`i am starting to get bored of my handphone. ahhahha.

`i just want to sit at starbucks or clarke quay with my girlfriends and just STONE.

`i am suffering from a serious shopping withdrawal.

`i am suffering from lack-of-occasions-to-dress-up-for withdrawal.

ok see how much stuffs i have to bitch about? i should just rename this blog syafs-bitching-AGAIN or something. it's all i ever do anyways.

i have pictures to post up on my blog but but i am too lazy to reach over and get the wire, so nope nope maybe tomorrow. it's amazing how energetic i am these days. i amaze myself constantly. my iq drops ten points daily.

ok now that i have my rantings and bitchings out of the way, let me just start talking normal.

i was thinking of getting a new bag. then again, i always want new bags. it's an addiction with me. but honestly, right now, what i want is this leather tote-sling bag i see everyone having. hmphf. i can't look at new trends. i'm hopelessly weak when it comes to this sort of thing.

DIGRESSION; i just came across a VERY interesting profile on youtube. somebody whom i have never met, but have heard about, and in a way, i don't quite like her type of person, but having a grudging hate-respect kind of feeling for. tskk. either way, interesting indeed.

i have cheer in 8 hours, and i need to know what time are my morning plans (if they come to root of course). so far no replies, and it's somewhat irritating me.

i have fallen in love with summer love. and no, it's not a perfume. it's justin timberlake's new song.

i can't wait to fall in love with you
you can't wait to fall in love with me
this just can't be summer love, you'll see
this just can't be summer love (l-o-v-e)

loveloveloveLOVE it.
thanks nazzie-baby.

bleargh i am off off off to sleep sleep sleep. actually no i'm just off to surf the net. let me tell you, i might be an idiot with the technical aspects of the computer, but i am a whiz at uncovering secret stuff online. well, actually, i'm just lucky. so anyways, off to try my luck. i think i'm in the mood to dig out some things which have been bothering me for a long long time.

2007-04-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

i have been such an emotional wreck these past few days. to sum it up, actually, it's just been in the past 24 hours. it's been a horrid, horrid day. like, a super horrid friday the thirteenth. it's a cursed day, through and through. roar.

*i was almost late
*my period came
*i forgot to draw money
*i had to rush my history outline, and i couldn't stop writing my first point
*my smiley face came off
*i got yelled at by one of the PE teachers about walking into mass civics late
*i got reprimanded by another pe teacher for my skirt length (and i didn't fold the skirt some more ok)
*damned econs just bloody fcuked around with my time
*i lost my cool like 5 times in class with my poor, faultless, blameless classmates
*i was super thirsty the entire day
*i have added more work to my already-about-to-give-way workload
*i have to postpone tuition AGAIN
*i kept losing thread in lectures, although i know what's going on
*i rushed and rushed to rearrange my schedule, and it kind of added up to nothing cause my original after-school plans came to nothing
*my grandmother's in the hospital
*my dad's at sea
*not much point my celebrating my new-found freedom since my workload has grown by like ten times
*i kept snapping at my friends =( i'm such a horrible bitch. i'm so sorry you guys. no excuses really.
*i'm just feeling very choked

just a bad day, honestly. i felt like just running away to the reservoir and sitting there until night time fell and some madman came to kidnap me. i wanted so, so badly to binge.
my eyes are drifting shut.
bye.

i just hate it when we keep repeating the same dance over and over. it's not much fun to go around the same bush all the time; it's getting very horrid cause it's always the same thing.
but i ♥ you very much

2007-04-12T23:07:00.000+08:00

what a rollercoaster of a week. somehow all the events that took place were so unexpected i'm amazed. just really goes to show how unpredictable life really is.

i've been losing it with my patience and temper. i never had patience, or even a cool temper to begin with; i'm the kind to lose my cool at even the most trivial stuffs. however over the holidays i developed a kind of patience, something like, oh-no-point-losing-my-temper-over-things-when-life's-like-that. if anything, i can take most things in stride easily, no matter how much it might irritate me or piss me off. HOWEVER i'm losing it these days over the most stupidest things, example being i get SO cheesed off when i hear people trying to act smart or cool or all-knowing. it just rubs me the wrong way. i'm not sure what's so cool about asking the most stupidest "duh" kind of questions and holding up the entire class. or even trying too hard, and overdoing it, and worse still, blowing it when everybody knows what beneath the cover. or even the most stupidest things; primary school stuff where people start getting excited over bgr issues. it gets real old real fast.

or maybe because i'm just very tired most days. i'm exhausted, i have plenty of work, i don't fancy having my days end late, my energy's zapped up by stupid things, i keep having to move around a lot, i don't get enough personal time to myself, and i'm trying to juggle school, family issues, friends and my boyfriend equally, which really isn't happening, and it gets super complicated because i'm honestly very swamped with work and i'm stressing over my work, and i don't want to spend any more time neccessary in jc and i really want to get a good cert out of this because God knows what horror we're all going through in jc.

i might have a mental breakdown soon. not going to be pretty.
edwina's been absent from school, and it just ain't the same. miss you winnie!
i love ginger snaps.
i love sunflower seeds.
i love water chesnut drink.
i love winter melon drink.
i love BK's hershey sundae pie.
i miss starbucks' expresso brownie.
i am a freaking hopeless binger.
i love my cheer skirt.
i dread my cheer top.
i like my cheer dance cause it's funfunfun.
i'm very tired out by cheer all the time.
i have rediscovered my love for pretty smells.
i want to revamp my friendster again.
i just want to stop time.
I DETEST PEOPLE WHO KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR NON-EXISTENT FATS. PLEASE, STUFF A WHOLE PIG IN IT. OR I'LL GLADLY STUFF MY JC NOTES DOWN YOUR HUGE FCUKING TRAPS.

there you go, i am in a foul mood and stressed and sleepy and tired.
but let me just declare my love for my dear dear friends in jc who make it so much more bearable for me, especially siokxin who just makes my day with her cuteness, naz who entertains my weird handshakes, benj for always being there and offering me his shoulder, angela who goes "yo papa" when i go "yo momma". ahhhahha and my funny funny classmates who just keep me amused all day long.

& my love whom i keep in my mind and heart and soul every minute, every day. let's try to compromise k. thing's get better after may, when everything's settled in more or less. always, always know iluvm. boy, no matter what we go through, you step up i'll step up too.

2007-04-08T12:59:00.000+08:00

just die people; THIS WAS MY LUNCH YESTERDAY=D

the entire set sighh. even the drinks were gigantic.

yes i know, sweetie is getting hungry. he is not allowed to start eating until i bloody got pictures taken.

thank you once more my love for such a gorgeous lunch. i already want to go back there today and lunch again. ahhahha the diet's gone to hell already. next time maybe the fish place opposite starbucks. i am a freak for fish&chips. well, anything fishy and seafoody and western. so i happen to like western food, sue me. damnit now i feel like pasta. pastamania yummmm. sigh not good i am supposed to be frugal.

whatever that means.

EDIT; I ATE AT THE LOVELY MANHATTAN FISH MARKET BY THE WAY. AHHAHHA I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT.

i am in love with the song give it to me by timbaland&timberlake&nellyfurtado. nice. i swear i heard the undercurrent of the song somewhere before.

TAGBOARD REPLIES;

FIQ; miss you twin. we were supposed to go breeks, now that i'm thinking of food. hur hur.

shahida; yes my new bag is loved ahhahha netball rocks on baby (:

siokxin; sweetie we're all hot and happening people love (:

iQah; hello. who are you? EDIT; ahhahha its the ekor =p

soph; hey sweetie! thanks babe!

edwina; yes winnie and i know you love me too!

siokxin; i love you too baby!

danana; baby, you're missed dearly muahhs.

zahd; yupp i miss you too you pain-in-my-unmentionables =p

angela; ahhahha yes those cursed bottles =p yo momma yo.

alvin; ok! =D

benj; benj! i wasn't cool on wednesday i forgot the tie! =( miss you you not-very-nice person. ahhahha and NO i'm your darling, not your maid hmphf.

phyllis; hey phyllis, you guys changed coach again? tsk congrats btw i heard how far you've gone =D i'm so proud.

slik; baby, i wanna go shopping, except i'm broke. we ought to go lunch!

siokxin; love you sweets, i love throwing you into the air =D

soph; *hugs* thanks sweetie!

linny; ahhahha hey hey i know you actually adore me ok. i want new york, this time we'll swap menus aye? ahhahha oh oh please we could have like a cheer showdown lol

edwina; yes yes i hearts you too winnie!

them lovely people whom i was unable to reply to because of the accursed tagboard.
i am now going to TRY to do my work. that is if i don't fall asleep first of course.

i hearts my girls and lovely friends and boyfriend ♥

2007-04-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

i just read the girls' blogs, and i bloody burst into frustrated tears. talk about frustration ok. i miss my girls, i miss my life, i miss my netball, i miss my anderson. damnit, i can't believe i'm saying this, but i'm missing facking andersonsec lah.

i miss not doing my work and getting away with it. i miss getting to slack every single day. i miss running off every minute to the toilet. i miss staying back after school for netball. i miss walking around and running around in fbts. i miss running off to j8 or amk central or whatnot in between lessons or whatever. i miss having a permanent classroom base. i miss my damn friends. i miss crapping with zahd and syafz and bingyun and soonkiat and nigel and whatnot. i miss dreading hmt classes. i miss hunting for a spare tie on mondays. i miss being checked for ankle socks and extra earrings and whatever hair colour i happen to have then. URRGGHHH i just miss the slack life, ok?

damn lah i remember always hanging out with linn whenever we're bored at home. i miss pigging out at northpoint with lys. i miss netball with qid. i miss packing my hot pink reebok bag.

i am just bloody not feeling jc life.
this fcuking sucks.

i hate my lessons, my classes, tutorials, lectures, whatever. i hate math. i don't understand econs. i detest my female lit teacher. i abhore the minute details of history, as much as i like learning history. i find GP snoozing, i think PE is irregular, and that my breaks are detestably too long in the morning KNNCB. don't ask me what i think about PW. you don't want to know. the only thing that's keeping me going on in school are my lovely classmates and friends and cheer. other than that school can go to hell for all i care.

i wouldn't detest school so much if it wasn't for the fact that i didn't have the basics, and it's killing me to have to adjust and catch up. not helping that people all around me mug wayyy too much. it's scary, that it fails to motivate, and i'm so surprised. i thought i'd be freaked into mugging too. as it is, i just want to lay my head down and sleep till the weekend, and repeat process on monday mornings. it's that bad i considered fcuking begging to drop out to poly.

like i can ever bring myself to do that, but it makes for nice dreaming. i'd take law, go to TP, and bloody have fun learning something i want to learn.

i'll just skip orientation cause i think orientation's scarred me for life.

i'm awaiting tuition, but before i go, MUCH LOVE GOES OUT TO MY DARLING for his treat at the manhattan fish market. the food is soooooo gooooooooood. i'll have pictures up, you guys are going to CRY. food just rocks man. like serious lah.

my debt's accumulating baby (:

was supposed to go for cheer, but my entire back has given up on me, so i decided i'd rather let it heal and go for cheer on tuesday and monday. i can't wait to do stunts again. did my GP worksheets at starbucks. love that place.

2007-04-06T14:24:00.000+08:00

ripped it off sophie's blog (:

1) Sleep with or without clothes on?
; when i get super irritated with the weather, maybe the latter, but the most minimal i go is at least a huge tee

2)Prefer black or bluepens?
; dark blue

3) Dress up on Halloween??
; i'd be an emo kid if we celebrated halloween hee hee

4) Like to travel?
; of course. even to northpoint it gives me a thrill. i like going out.

5) Like Someone?
; i don't know about like =p but i do know i love him <3

6) Do they know?
; he'd better!

7)Who sleeps with you every night?
; mr saiful, but no it's not the namesake.

8) Think you're attractive?
; i hope so. i'm a girl, we're vain people.

9) Want to get married?
; definitely (:

10) To:
; i'm not saying anything *"* (oh EEEWW i can't believe i'm using this blush icon!)

11) Are you a good student?
; ahhahha NO

12) Are you currently happy?
; i'm not sure. i'm ok though.

13) Have you ever cheated??
; yes. not on the kental or anything like that, obviously.

14)Birthplace?
; the great american hospital...or some people just call it eastshore.

15) Christmas or Halloween?
; christmas. plenty of shopping yo (:

16) Coloured or black-and-white photo?
; black&white. so glam!

17) Do long distance relationships work?
; why shouldn't it?

18)Do you believe in astrology?
; nope. they just sometimes come uncannily true though.

19) Do you believe in love at first sight?
; not really. i don't trust easily. infatuation yes; love no.

20) Do you consider yourself the life of the party?
; nope. i prefer to watch people.

21)Do you drink?
; nope.

22) Do you make fun of people?
; yeah

23) Do you think dreams eventually come true?
; it did for me.

24) Favorite fictional character?
; daffy duck!

25) Go to the movies or rent?
; i still have fun with both

26)Have you ever moved?
; yes

27) Have you ever stolen anything?
; nope

28) How's the weather right now?
; humid. i can feel it in the air.

29) Last time you cut your hair?
; say a month ago

30)Last person you talked to on the phone?
; mummy

31) Last time you showered?
; 2 hours ago

32) Loud or soft music?
; in between

33) Mcdonalds or Burger King?
; i actually like macs. but BK burgers wins hands down. and their fries too.

34) Night or day?
; night. i like quiet.

35)Number of pillows?
; 4!

36)Piano or guitar?
; piano

37) Future job?
; lawyer. social worker. wife. mother. le sighh.

38) Current job?
; student hmphf

39)Current love?
; muhammad saiful bahri

40) Current longing?
; oreo bubble tea, tuna, pizza, strepsils, a holiday, and the one abovementioned

41) Current disappointment?
; i'm not saying

42) Current annoyance?
; as abovementioned

43) Last thing you ate?
; something from fork&spoon

44) Last thing you bought?
; bubble tea. part of it anw.

45) Most recent thing you are looking forward to?
; end of jc? ahhahha God that's so sad k.

46)What are you hearing right now?
; girl by elan ft assassin

47) Plans for the weekend?
; homework. sleep. hopefully go out?

48) What did you do today?
; so far not much. it's just beginning.

49) Pick a lyric, any lyrics or song?
; Cry alone, i've gone away
no more nights
no more pain
i've gone alone
took all my strength
i've made the change
i won't see you tonight

50) Pick a movie quote?
; you had me at hello (:

ok so my whole body's aching like fcuk. it's not even funny anymore, everything everywhere hurts. and i have a lot of work, which i am tempted to throw one corner and unveil only 10 years down the road. and i am losing my voice bad and my throat hurts. and my tummy is making weird sensations and my shoulders are killing me. and my every damned movement is being monitored and whatnot.

EEAARRRRRGGGHHHHH.

i have cheer tomorrow YAY means i get to go out the house BOO because my body hurts like fcuk. i can't pump my arms ahahhahha like owww. plus i have a lot of work. plus i think i'm going to go on another mc cause my head feels feverish which is not good cause i miss a lot when i'm on mc.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS ENTIRE POST WILL BE DEDICATED TO WHINING ONLY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

plus the tagboard's being a bitch. plus i'm getting fat plus i'm feeling dazed plus the day's going to rain.

tskk. just feel the anger, people.

ok gotta go i have things to do BLEARGH.

before i go, here's the siokxin quote of the week;

"My future grandchildren will die by the time i understand maths."

i bloody laughed my ass off when i heard this. she just makes my day, really.

2007-04-03T22:17:00.000+08:00

ok it just goes to show how damn distracted a girl can get when she's blogging at 12:07am in the morning because she's feeling threatened by somebody whom she hasn't met, does not know, probably never will, and frankly, whom she doesn't even care to know.

i have this thing about myself, ok? i'm fair. i'm not even blowing my own trumpet here, i'm saying i'm a fair person because i don't judge people just by second-hand information or by their outlook without talking to them first or knowing them myself. i might get first impressions, even very strong ones, but i withold my final judgements until i know for sure how a person's like, irregardless of race, language or religion. because i know how information can get distorted once a second person hears it. it's just a human thing.

so tell me PLEASE why on earth i'm already ~~forming judgements~~ hating this one individual whom i've never even met?

i seriously thought maybe it was a case of biased-ness. i'm always honest with myself. i can acknowledge if whatever i'm feeling is jealousy, petty-hate, or shallow disgust, especially jealousy. i admit if i'm jealous. i don't lie about being jealous because it's obvious to the entire world if you're jealous. i know i feel quite like "yeah right" when people deny jealousy, so i definitely don't want people going "yeah right" with me. maybe it's a little case of petty-hate, but knowing what that person went through, i'm not sure if it's deserved even if it's justified. and shallow disgust usually applies to sluts/poseurs/tramps, and i don't think that person is either one of these although i would dearly love to say so (but then it would DEFINITELY be a case of shallow disgust/petty-hate). let's just say, i'm chalking this feeling i have now to despair.

i just don't feel like i can match up. and that disgusts me, because knowing what i already know, wanting to match up is nothing to be proud of. and damnit if it isn't kind of slowly murdering me inside my head. something like a dog gnawing NON-STOP on a bone. a bloody horrid bone. and the thing is...i shouldn't even care, or want to care. it's not right. right now, it's already the second day i'm continuing this post (read; 5:27am thursday morning) because i can't seem to let go. maybe i never can. that scares me too.

maybe just to speak in simplistic terms; i'm hurting. disappointed, hurting, and just hurting hurting hurting.

i have to go, i woke up early just to get my history homework done.
which totally isn't happening at all.

Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

2007-04-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

i was in such agony last night. oh, the pain. the tears. the anguish.

and no, i was not giving birth.

it was my stupid back. i pulled the damn muscles. i know my right shoulder was already sore in the day-time, because my bag has been ridiculously heavy. i guess yesterday was the last straw. it was giving me this ache, like this far-away random ache that you can't place your finger on but you know it's annoying you. something like a toothache. then whilst at macs with the darling he massaged my shoulder, which did help soothe. before PE the dear naz also gave me a massage. after PE and presses i could hear my shoulder sobbing from the exertion, but the horrible, unkind person i am ignored it. darling offered to exchange bags with me so i got to tote his lighter bag instead.

upon arrival at starbucks (i adore that place) i happily settled down, and whilst watching millionaire's first love darling was also rubbing my shoulder. still, it was ok.

it started to KILL when i arrived at novena. like OOOWWWWWW. i was near tears. then whilst in the car i was beginning to act like a had worms in my butt, wriggling around to find a comfy position to settle. and i think darling's massaging got a little too firm. like, OWWWW. (i should have realised; the boy's going through ns. of course his hands have a ~~little~~ lot more strength than i'm used to NOW. duhhh.) anyway, when i reached home i collapsed into bed in tears cause both my shoulders now hurt. i was literally sobbing because the damn pain was like fire. the kind where you just wish you'd get a blistering fever or something, instead of this sharp horrid pain you can't let go.

i sobbed like a baby on the phone when he called to see how i was. in fact, i was in such pain i didn't even hear the first three calls. then i crawled away (literally) to find my mum, who took one look at me STILL in my pe attire and ordered me into the shower right away. of course i was in tears whilst bathing too. tears are a requirement. URGH then i curled back into bed with my ever-faithful handphone (read; the darling) and waited for my mum to come massage me. after like a loooooooong time of massage only then i felt like i could breathe again. at either rate i stayed up till almost 2 talking to him, and then i could finally fall asleep cause the pain finally disappeared. only of course to pop up again the following morning, but by then it wasn't as bad as the day before. so i took one look at my timetable and decided for the sake of my sanity i could afford to miss school for a day.

went to the doctor's, got my mc, got some other form of pacofen called panadine (YES!) then went off to buy food. dropped by his place to drop off some food for him. ahhahha whilst we were talking to him i suddenly recognized this really familiar white van, which i identified as my uncle's =p ahhahha oops. my mum, as usual, panicked upon the idea of bumping into family members. in my opinion, who the fcuk cares? my life, not yours. besides, no one's stupid. the little white lies ain't going to do much good anyways.

webcamed with him whilst doing my lit, i hate the teacher. such a stuck-up piece of trash (and i never like talking about teachers of my favourite subjects that way so you know she's really one hell of a case) condescending, bitchy, arrogant, stuck-up, rude, think-she's-all-that-and-more-when-in-fact-she's-so-much-lesser-than-a-tapeworm. URGH feel my anger people.

anyway i'm right now like whatever for my lit. i'll wait till my books arrive. i can't wait to start reading them.

i have pe and netball tomorrow.
and tuition.
sigh.

imu baby.

2007-04-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

i was helping my mum in the kitchen just now, and we were talking about the most random stuffs.

`how hady mirza's album can't seem to compare to taufik batisah's =(
`how we shall improve on our diet by eating healthy stuff
`how i want to bake cookies next week
`how i shall get married
`how my husband and me ought to run our household the modern couple's way
`how long it's been since we've watched a hindustan movie together
`how funny was siokxin's blog =p
`how i intend to finish my education
`how to correctly fry anchovies
`how kental my darling is
~~`how cool i am~~ ok i can always dream
`how vain my sister is about her hair
`how spicy shiny chilies are

i declare my love for the song Dekhne Walon Ne in the Chori Chori Chupke Chupke. i'm a sucker for romantic stuffs.

For all the things they've seen in the world
I'm sure they musn't have seen someone like you
As i have pined for you all these years
Nobody must have ever waited to see you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ds2pWolx7MQ

i call this hindustan withdrawal.

i swear, i need chocolate. i have this thing for chocolate. it's like i die without chocolate. i'm a chocolate freak. i am dependent on chocolate. i adore chocolate. chocolate makes me happy. chocolate cheers me up. on my worse days, it's my best friend. on my happier days, it's my partner in crime. chocolate releases the happy threads in my head. i turn to mush when i see a chocolate entity. i have to try new chocolate stuff. if i buy waffles, or ice-cream, or drinks, the first flavour i'll be on the look-out for is chocolate. i love belgian chocolate. i can eat chocolate icing on it's own. i can swallow cup after cup of hot chocolate. chocolate is like a drug. chocolate makes me want to curl up and die happy. my first bite of anything chocolate is like an orgasm. chocolate just makes my day.

ok, i think it's quite clear, i need something chocolatey.
or not. i refuse to get ~~FAT~~ FATTER.
which i am, everyday of the week, every minute of the day, every second of a minute.

digression; my sweetie is coughing NON-STOP, and i am bloody worried. and time's running out. if life ain't complicated enough, yeah?

hmmm.

2007-04-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

life's a little better now. i'm glad we cleared things up sweetie. although it means taking a bit of breathing space i think it's for the best. if it's fate it'll run its course and for us, with us; we'll pray for it and work towards it sweetie.

tuition tomorrow, bleargh. i am not liking extra studies, as you'll understand. i just don't.
do you know that something's bloody wrong with our tagboards? such a pain aye? it keeps saying something-something-403-forbidden. tskk ain't cool.
i refuse to eat extra meals.
i suddenly feel like a friendly match with another school.
i am dreading afternoon PE come monday.
i want to see my friends.
i think i should quit complaining about not being pretty or thin enough because i ought to be grateful for who and what i am blessed with and that inner beauty's what's count.
i do find it fun to bump into qiddy around school cause it's like a mini surprise lol!
and and the school tie is very glam, yes (: RIGHT BENJ? =p
i suddenly feel like irritating the ekor.
i want to irritate zahd too.
i suddenly want chest length hair.
and sweeping chin-length emo hair.
i want to wear dark mascara and eyeliner all the time.
i feel like adopting a siamese cat.
i have fallen in love with a couple of songs.

Ay, Ay, Ay Nobody likes being played
Beyonce, Beyonce
Shakira, Shakira (hey)

[Beyonce] He said I'm worth it, his one desire
[Shakira] I know things about 'em that you wouldn't wanna read about
[Beyonce] He kissed me, his one and only, (yes) beautiful Liar
[Shakira] Tell me how you tolerate the things that you just found out about

[Shakira] You never know
[Beyonce] Why are we the ones who suffer
[Shakira] I have to let go
[Beyonce] He won't be the one to cry

[Beyonce] (Ay) Let's not kill the karma
(Ay) Let's not start a fight
(Ay) It's not worth the drama
For a beautiful liar
[Shakira] (Oh) Did he laugh about it
(Oh) It's not worth our time
(Oh) We can live without 'em
Just a beautiful liar

[Shakira] I trusted him, but when I followed you, I saw you together
[Beyonce] I didn't know about you then 'till I saw you with him again
[Shakira] I walked in on your love scene, slow dancing
[Beyonce] You stole everything, how can you say I did you wrong

[Shakira] You never know
[Beyonce] When the pain and heartbreak's over
[Shakira] I have to let go
[Beyonce] The innocence is gone

[Beyonce] (Ay) Let's not kill the karma
(Ay) Let's not start a fight
(Ay) It's not worth the drama For a beautiful liar
[Shakira] (Oh) Did he laugh about it
(Oh) It's not worth our time
(Oh) We can live without 'em Just a beautiful liar

[Shakira] Tell me how to forgive you
When it's me who's ashamed
[Beyonce] And I wish could free you
Of the hurt and the pain
(Both) But the answer is simple
He's the one to blame

[Beyonce] (Ay) Let's not kill the karma
(Ay) Let's not start a fight
(Ay) It's not worth the drama
For a beautiful liar
[Shakira] (Oh) Did he laugh about it
(Oh) It's not worth our time
(Oh) We can live without 'em
Just a beautiful liar

just love it. two super hot performers there.
another one is Tears Don't Fall. ok, the song isn't new to me anymore, but it's just something i never seem to get tired of. although i despise the parts when the drums or guitars or singer starts screaming; i'm not into hard-core head-banging rock. it makes me irritated ahhahhha. but but i do like that one exception.

i had a feeling my movements are getting monitored, and i was right.
i don't like it at all, damnit.

damned owwww

2007-03-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

such a confusing day. such unexpected developments.

i've been overcome by the flu virus which has been attacking yuan the past week. let me tell you, it's a bitch. i hate shivering when there's no cold. i detest being sick, i'd rather sprain an ankle or something. too many things get messed up when i'm sick.

my darling sent me to school this morning, and i was late because of some car swerving and taking up two lanes, hence halting traffic. quite a painful experience, i do not like jams. not when i'm going somewhere important, like say, school maybe? yup. anyway the teachers in charge of latecomers were very curt and rude and condescending; maybe it's a common trait they share? i already have one female teacher whose teaching my favourite subject who's not nice at all. too much attitude.

then i had to traipse off for the mldds booth, which, i am happy to report, was fun. honestly, it was. we had to make bunga rampai (malay potpourri) and set up the materials needed for the public to try making dulan hantaran (dowry tray). very enjoyable, and my seniors are nice people. plus, i had a blast talking to fadhillah and the ekor about our respective other halves. si naqiah was too busy flittering around to make sure everything's perfect; so cute lah.

when the day ended at 1215 i wanted to cut school already; i'd much rather be out with him than hang around for the house meeting when i'm already so sick. me and fadhillah and ekor kept plotting how to leave school early, but they managed to sneak out at 1215; i had to find my class for a debriefing. some lowlife stole money from yuan, what a jerk. $200 ok.

digression; my sister just ran up to me and gavc me a big kiss. what a sweetheart.

well, at any rate, i kept asking around about trying to escape early, and i got very negative feedback. bloody hell, it's a major offense to skip school when you have lectures/classes/whatever going on. please. i have much more better things i'd rather do. we all ended up having to go for the house meeting, whereupon i lost my temper at my house leaders (hardly their fault, i was somewhat delirious with flu) and kept cursing them non-stop under my breath. tsk. muchoz thanks to the dear benj for trying to keep my spirits up. the rhyme about the bullfrog and lollipop keeps reverebrating through my head now.

i was just so tired. we all were. school i&e day, no matter how 'fun' it was a first, drains a lot from you at the end.

and i got a very curt message from my cheer captain about us all not being able to make it for practise. ouch. she looked mad. i felt bad, but then again, i just had other things i'd rather do.

i think maybe it's karma. because in the end my plans backfired in my face. so badly, that i am still in a state of shock.

funny too. i had so many things to show. i swiped like a bunch of stuff from the malay room to share with, and there were so many stories i wanted to tell and like plans and everything. i kind of happily envisioned my weekend already when i heard homecoming's early this week.

the thing is, i already lost track of what happened. everything's so blurred now. was it you, or me? both of us? my head and heart hurts. such pointed darts. such pain. silly, i sound so dramatic, but somehow i can't find better ways to describe it. i just never really knew what you thought of me. especially after everything thats happened, i thought it's kind of obvious where my loyalty stood. and i've been so honest with everything. i never kept anything. this doesn't just hurt. it kills. what's so lacking on my part?
ilusm, and imu.
but this just cuts deep.

i can feel my food coming back up, and i don't like it. i have too much work to do to fall behind. i was talking to somebody, and it tempted me so much to beg for appeal out to poly. let's just say i haven't taken to kindly to my workload.

maybe i will sit down at macs and read my lectures online.

my lovely classmates for keeping my sanity intact throughout the day in ~~hell~~school; thank youu. benj, and the cutie siokxin, the nuts naz and yuzhe and angela and edwina and yuan and all. i'm sorry, but i'm a little blur right now. i'm looking for panadol.

2007-03-25T20:06:00.000+08:00

i just read through some of my classmates' blogs, and felt a rush of affection towards them (: i tell you, i wake up every morning looking forward to seeing them, seriously. they just make my day; they're all so funny and nice and sweet and cute in their own way! i can't wait to see them tomorrow.

went with sweetie to buy food at yishun's pasar malam. i just love pasar malams; there's so much food everywhere. i was supposed to starve today, but i decided to just eat a burger because i refuse to munch on chocolate at home. and i swear, that kental wants me to get fatter; he force-fed me cempedak, or fried jackfruits. fattening please? not that put up much of a fight after the first bite; i love jackfruits.

anyhoo, met his sisters at home,and aren't they prettayeeeeee. the younger one has a very sweet look; the kind you want to just put in a glass case and keep for safekeeping. and the older one is just stunning; i haven't seen skin so fair. and she's so petite, i'm jealous=( i swear, i'm like having genetic disorder or something. looking at lawra and marlini, it just makes me feel so inadequate. le sighh. all these pretty people.

you know, the freaking GC, or graphic calculator costs effing $220 at popular! *spasms* it isn't bad enough i have to pay $150, now i find out they sell it for $70 more outside? it just kills me. these people are out to suck my blood dry. the horror.

speaking of math, my tuition teacher just scares me, and makes me feel really stupid. it's not really very good. i get so nervous i mess things up. earggghhhhh, i am not looking forward to tuition. or PE, for that matter. height&weight! i am scarred for life.

i'm going to miss my sweetie 3 times fold when he goes in this time because everything's so screwed up at home. i don't think i'm going to be able to take it if anything happens; i'm only seventeen, and my sister's not even primary one. we're really very young. i'll never be the same. i'm going to feel the impact of my sweetie going in because there's no one around to confide in.

at any rate, life moves on, and all i can do is pray.

i think me and naz are gonna eat fried noodles tomorrow. i don't care; we're hungry peeps. hur hur. ok, not hungry, more like, we-really-like-yummy-food peeps. and and i can't wait for wednesday because it's the mid-week, which means the week's about to end, and also, i get to wear the tie! benj and me and naz all agree the tie is very glam =D

i'm off, i need to finish my filing, and pack my bag, then iron my uniform.

♥ kental

2007-03-25T10:42:00.000+08:00

let me just put my life down into small points cause i am too sleepy, tired and upset to draft out long paragraphs to make much sense. not that i ever make much sense most times cause i'm usually always zoning out.

*i have a brand-new adidas bag because the good people at adidas generously allowed me to exchange the malfuntioned item for something else worth $75 or more. i was soSO tempted to get two bags (cause i couldn 't find another bag worth the same amount that i think would be suitable for school) but that would mean having to top up about $20 more, which, on other days wouldn't feel so bad but i just didn't really have the mood to go happy-delirious over shopping (which is a first). so i am now the proud owner or this black-green-white-grey sling/tote gym bag with a built-in shoe-bag i only just discovered when i explored the bag at home. that, and a pair of brown-pink adidas flip-flops (:

*i also declare my utter dedication to starbucks, especially the one at clarke quay, starbucks central. i just love the place there; it's so chill. i got my econs revision done there.

*and my love for passiontea, and the zentea. yummy yummy.

*the movie haunted school sucks so bad.sighhh i owe my darling one =/

*i am currently waiting for my tuition teacher to arrive. i hope he's nice.

*nobody in the house is speaking to me, and as much as it's making me angry, it's making me miserable ten times more. i just want out of the house, but that was where the problem started. right now, i am hurting. i feel so bad.

*i am hungry, but i refuse to eat because i have height&weight tomorrow, and i just know i'm going to be in taf. no question; i've been eating non-stop.

*i end school at 6:15 tomorrow. ouch. good and bad; i spend time away from the house but come home dead exhausted. can you imagine running 10 rounds around the track? *whimpers*

*my school skirt is so loose at the waist, it's not even funny. the uniforn looks very shabby tskk. i do not like shabby uniforms.

*i want my hair to grow out NOW.

*i'm very lonely, and i want my darling with me.

i'm off to double-check my things. ohh i hear a bike. maybe my tuition teacher rides one.
my last point.

*i love my darling, very very much. there's no one quite like him. thank you for being there; it means a lot to me.muahhs ♥

2007-03-24T07:27:00.000+08:00

life's been....good (: well, better than i expected anyway. loads of stuffs happening, but i just haven't had time to update. i'm either too tired or i just forget because my mind justs starts to shut off when i have too many things on it.

it's 7:30am right now, and i'm supposed to accompany sweetie run at the stadium, but somehow it rained or something, so the ground's still wet. i'm surprised i didn't hear the rain; i usually spend about 10 minutes admiring the rain if it rains suddenly at night. like, i'll wake up because the sound of rain just penetrates my sleep-induced mind. then, i'll sit up in bed smiling away stupidly at the rain outside the window until i fall back asleep. but before i do i make sure my soft toys are arranged in a certain way around me. then i'll go back to sleep feeling really satisfied and at peace with the world. i just like the rain.

of course, not when i have a day out planned and the rain hinders everything. then that's not cool of course.

3707 is a very, very nice class (: i mean, yayness everybody clicks so well together. i was so, so scared on the first day of school; i freaked at the thought of not having any friends. then my class got together, and everybody's making an effort to include each other and one another. super cool. we spend all our breaks together and arrange central meeting points and stuff. it's a really good class, although not perfect with a few hiccups here and there. still, we can count ourselves quite lucky.

uhh let's see. my timetable's just way not happening ok. i end at 6:15 on mondays, 4:15 on tuesdays, 1:15 on wednesdays (and netball afterwards pfft) 4:45 on thursdays and 3:45 on fridays. the best part is that i have plenty of breaks in the morning, like for example, i only start lessons like at 12:45pm on thursday. almost every lesson of mine follows an hour's break, at least. nice and all, but i end late, and i don't like the school in late afternoons. something's a bit off about it.

oh oh we plan to join cheerleading ahhahha i swear, my class is one weird bunch of peeps. i like! i think it'll be fun to have the entire class in cheerleading.

and and i wanna go cambridge =D

i have pimples, or heat rash, popping up all over my body and face. i'm not sure why. maybe the school's very humid. i have a handful popping up on my face (the horror; disfigurement) and my body's starting to break out in small patches of rashes here and there. last night, it was my right arm. tskk. i don't like the humidity; it makes me so uncomfortable, and i just want to go right home and scrub myself sparkling clean again. it's just so eewwwww to feel sticky.

right now, i'm willing my handphone to ring because i want to go out out out and sit and stone stone stone because later i have work work work to do do do.

ok i'm out. i want a nap.

Tell me, what you're thinking about when you got me waiting patiently
Usually i don't have to wait for nobody.

2007-03-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

school's been fun, better than i expected, but at the same time, still tired. netball recre is much more my speed in terms of my stamina now, but at the same time, i'm tempted to push myself further for the team. next year maybe. for now, this is good. the seniors are nice.
and my classmates are nice people too (: it's a good start, thank God. i really hope this keeps up.

i have so many errands to run. i have so much to catch up on. maths is really, really stressing me out. i'm getting a personal tutor pronto, because obviously there's no way i can depend on peer tutoring. besides, everybody has their own stuffs to handle.

right now, i'm giving in all the time, and it surprises me because i've never been one to always give in. i especially don't like giving in when it is not my fault in the first place. it takes two to dance. thing is, no matter how patient i can be, when the timing's off and problems cope up all at the same time i'm going to snap. it's not going to be pretty because i don't like running away from problems. i rather problems settle then and there instead of dragging out. my time's precious to me.

happy monthly sweetie. i miss you, very much.
ilu.

2007-03-18T16:02:00.000+08:00

the lit lectures are taking a damned long time to load please. it's irritating. i have other things to do. like, iron my school uniform, and pack my bag, then reread the history lecture, and finish up the econs. and i completely forgot about gp some more. wtf.

now it's hanged. fantastico.

talk about being selfish, the both of you. it's just getting me irritated. time's long past when i have to cater to you.

2007-03-16T14:07:00.000+08:00

it's the rain, it's makingn me so super sleepy.
bad enough i only woke up like one and a half hours ago at twelve thirty.

now i know what qidd meant when she said online channels were really addictive. i was so drained after readin all my lit and history and half of econs and trying to read (i say trying because you can't really read maths, can you?) the h1 maths stuff i decided to treat myself and hunt out new sources for online movie watching, so i typed in a few keywords and google comes out with several sources, one being peekvid. and since everybody i know seems to use peekvid i decided to try, and oh my God it's addictive, yes.

damn if all the movies rock. and and, guess what?
i found a small section on power rangers ninja storm! *squeals* i love that series, sighh.
you can't blame me, the guys are really hot.

plot-wise though, i prefer power rangers in space. i loved the pretty colours of astronema's hair too.

sin city is good, albeit confusing. nothing special about it. just my luck if funny! i do like lindsay's red hair, and chris pine is really cute when he smartens up. then there's mcfly (i now understand why mr razak really does like mcfly). i managed only to watch parts of devil wears prada, but what i watched was enough to have me acknowledging meryl streep's acting abilities. really cool. then there's zoey 101 (i happen to find her acting stiff, but it's a nice enough show. plus, i like her hair.) and i watched DOA again, nice hot girls.

sweetie comes back from camp today, yayness (: i can't wait to hear all about it. i miss him.

i am off to get lunch, and i have work to do. i don't fancy having to fall behind again, when i already am.
oh i got my combination (: now i just hope the class gets along.

digression; oh, what the hell sanjeev just gave me a call ahhahhha. that noob, he still owes me a box of muffins! so irritated seh tskk.

anyhoo, off to lunch.

2007-03-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

URGH i am such a shopaholic. i went to toa payoh with my mum and bought three bottoms. and and i really want to go back and get another one cause it's only effing $5. it's a conspiracy to keep me broke.

at any rate i can strike off more of my wishlist.

i'm going through my friendster and looking through this bunch of people's profiles. i only know a handful of them first hand, and it's amazing how i actually prefer the strangers to the ones i know, really. and there's this one guy i remember seeing his friendster a long time ago, and looking at it now reminds me how much time has passed, how much things have changed. amazing.

oh i fcuking want to SLAP you. who died and made you so important?

i went back to ajc to change my shirts cause they were so super huge. got a nice comfy fit hence now, the uniform fits nicely, except that the waist of the skirt is seriously, effing LOOSE and the length could go shorter, but never mind. might as well be comfortable, since i like wearing extra layers at that time of the month.

when i read my friends' blogs, it's like reading strangers' blogs. i guess cause everybody's kind of got their own lives going on right now. a little sad, and a little tiring too. seems like i have to repeat the whole settling-into-a-new-routine routine all over again, no pun intended. at any rate, best of luck to my best girls, take care loves.

speaking of loves, the darling who is in ns called me just now. it was nice hearing his voice again, i didn't quite realise how much i missed him. although i am super stressed right now cause of the horrific number of lecture notes i have to go through tomorrow for mathematics. it's just freaky. and the worse part?

i don't know NUTS about amath.
i hope my mum finds me a tutor soon, i don't think i can survive independently, and without anyone around to help me.

currently installing adobe to be able to read the lectures.
now to figure out how to hook on the printer to my laptop.

i did myself a favour and straightened out my stationery drawer yesterday, much much better. i never knew how many of my pens could still be used YAY. no need to spend money on stationery for at least a year now, i have that many pens. although these pens give me blisters cause of the casings. hopefully not anymore. and and i found my pencil box, another yay. tomorrow, i settle my maths stuff, and hopefully my subject combination is up too, and then i have to figure out what to do next. this is complicated, especially since i'm flying a little blind here. and i am determined to make this work. go ajc-ian me!

i got the tie, so expensive seh. but heck i feel so complete now. next time i vist the bookshop is to get two more pairs of shorts. i foresee my falling in love with ajc's pe attire next. oh wait you know what? i already am. drifit and fbt, what love =D

been spending a lot, time to stop.
$50, and then that's IT.

missing sweetie.

2007-03-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

i am actually excited right now to start school. actually, i'm excited to get the uniform. tomorrow, me and qiddaye shall settle our uniforms. i'm pretty excited. see how many times i mentioned the word excited?

i think i moped around enough, tskk. i should be grateful to get my butt into ajc, hence, i will be grateful and embrace the experience. heck, jc is supposed to be an experience, so, yes yes i am an ajc-ian, and damn, i'm actually getting to be really proud of it. it's a good school with a good reputation, a good academic background, a decent campus, and and a nice uniform! a matter of giving it a chance. and also, ignoring what everybody says about it, especially people who don't know nuts.

went with sweetie to get his cap, and it looks really good on him! dragged him around popular to get my stationery, he amused himself comprehensively. so cute ahhahha. watched music&lyrics, and it's super funny please. chilled at starbucks, and talked and camwhored. then we dropped by my mum's, we set him home. while suppering at rubina's with caci and caca we were talking about NS then and now, and it was super interesting. then we bought supper for him, and my dad insisted on tagging along to deliver. i thought maybe sweetie might turn ten shades paler when he saw my dad, but they just talked hur hur. men. and since my sister insisted on seeing mimi (that's his cat), he went up and brought mimi down. my dad and sis and me happily petted her whilst my mum kept a safe distance. tskk weird lady.

oh oh met nas and her sis at starbucks (: miss nas loadds too. happy birthday nas's sister!

sweetie is reporting for enlistment in 8 hours 20 mins, and as i type this, he's on the phone with me whilst playing his new xbox 360 with three other friends at his house. seriously, i don't get the male mind. weirdd.

i'm going to miss you sweetie. so, so much. we'll make this work.

whoever theone is, it's pissing me off. don't tag to tell me the obvious.

2007-03-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

i have come to a decision, and that is, i'm staying. if i leave, i'll be leaving for the sake of joining my friends. that's the exact same fcuking reason i joined anderson in the first place. hence, i joined andersonjc for the wrong reasons, maybe this time i'll be staying for the right ones.

i couldn't sleep properly, i kept drifting in and out of dreams. i didn't know what to do. if i left, where would i go? innova, or catholic, or nanyang, or saint andrews. the last two are already out, simply because nanyang has never been of any interest to me, saint andrews is too christian for me. catholic or innova, either way i'm neutral, with the exception that innova has more of my friends there than catholic.

i considered tampines too. but immediately striked it out when i realise how far it was, and how malay.

no offense zahd k.

so going around and around again, i came back to innova and anderson. anderson for its prestige, its guarantee of mugging (huge bonus for me here) and its utter convenience. innova for its holistic experience, its campus life, and a stronger arts faculty. and i picked andersonjc, because it was my first choice, it's my best choice, and because i couldn't bring myself to extinguish the expectant hope in my parents' eyes. when i started to go on non-stop about appealing out, and to see how they reacted...i think i owe it to them not to extinguish the hope i already lit in their hearts. i already know how it feels like to have hope blooming and blossoming in my heart, and then suddenly crushed because circumstances just change, everything changes.

truth be told, i'm truly disappointed. i imagined making our own fun at anderson, and pushing each other, and now that i think about it, who's going to help me with my maths?? but i can't begrudge my friends their own wishes, and their own choices, so as hard as it is, i'll just pray for the best. it's hard to switch when you already have roots. so be happy, stay happy. i'm going to miss you.

i was so upset, after lunching with mum and darling yesterday, and seeing him off to his second last day at starbucks, i marched down to bugis, grabbed syafz, and went shopping. i spent a grand total of $72.80. and i have a feeling two of the tshirts i bought are impulse buys and that i might now wear them because i'll look fat. scratch that, i am fat. whatever, but i do like slogan tees so fine.

i bought this ultra pretty aquamarine leather tote bag at this zinc shop in bugis junction (: it was originally $42.90, but i haggled it down to $32. harharHAR what a bargain. the guys at the shop there were really nice too. there was this one guy who ran after me out of the shop to give me a card, which i already took, and then as we left, he was shouting "Call me, call me!" upon closer inspection of the card, i realise it was his own namecard. ismadi, his name was. ahhahha at any rate, i'm not sure where i left the card. i need it back, i want to see if there're other outlets around singapore.

and i bought jersey tops from dorothy perkins, and i intend to go back today to get more. i intend to pamper myself because i'm in a less-than-perfect mood and need retail therapy. hmphfs.

at the rate i'm going, the savings account is NOT going to last.

whatever, right now, i don't fcuking care.

i'm eating cookies from jerry's cookies at novena, and damn they're good. yummaye.

gotta go now, got stuff to do before lunching again with mummy and darling.
have a good week people, cause i'm definitely not going to.

2007-03-10T12:55:00.000+08:00

right now, i'm feeling a little abandoned to be honest. like, a float in the middle of an unfriendly and rough and wild ocean. and there's nobody else for miles around.

i'll put this up to a sudden bout of anxiety.

i was way too exhausted to care about anything and everything under the fcuking sun yesterday, so i didn't turn up for od3 yesterday. let me tell you, it was great to wake up knowing it's a free day. time is precious enough already for me to waste. i did feel a little pang at the thought of missing the last day of orientation, but reflecting back, in the mood i was in i would have just been a wet blanket the entire time.

anyhoo, darling asked me to a movie in the late afternoon, and i decided to go. we watched 300, which is a very, very good movie people. such a nice plot, and superb special effects. i was a little freaked at the gory death scenes (you realise i can't even bear to look at an open wound) but heck it was really super.

did i mention it was m18? ahhahha somebody neglected to tell me, but i got through anyhoo, so no biggie. although i just realised i haven't even watched an nc16 movie, or even nc17, and i've already covered m18. hur hur.

sweetie is going in on tuesday. that's 3 days away =(
ah wells at any rate he focuses on his ns, and i can focus on my work (which, i am suddenly reminded, there's plenty of fcukfcukfcuk)

i want to go shoooooooopinnnnnngggggg. which is, of course, this tuesday YAY i have a sudden desire to check things off my list, one of which i can already check off is my school bag. i succumbed to temptation and bought stella mccartney. seventy five smackarooos gooonee. grrr and i don't even feel excited. wtf.

people still owe me money, andf i don't like it because i'm pretty sure everybody knows how particular i am about money. it's not easy to come by, something i found out when i worked part time. hence, i find it pointless spending on idiots. there's moderation to be had please. and maybe it's a little obsessive but my parents drilled into me the importance of being able to pay your own way in the world. never ever have to be dependent on somebody else. money-wise, we're a little old-school. call me idealist, but i like old-school chivalry.

oh oh i just read a comic strip in betty&veronica and it's funny stuffs=D

i need to revamp my wishlist. tata.

2007-03-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

i'm tempted to transfer out, i really am. i don't feel like doing anything there. and knowing that my best friend's leaving too...it just makes it all the more harder for me to stay. but i know if i leave my parents are going to be so disappointed with me. they wanted me in aj, i know, and now that i'm accepted, it's going to be tough for them to adjust my leaving ajc. but at the same time, i'm the one to study, not them. it's wrenching me in two directions.

and did i tell you i have a new system of allowance now? i will not be receiving allowance for one year starting today; everything i intend to spend on, be it for school necessities, for books, funds, or personal shopping, will be directly drawn out from my account. all my statinery, blah blah. so from now on, i'm going to have to plan my expenditure very carefully. i'm not going to spend unnecesarily. i intend to leave at least $700 in the account at the end of one year damnit. that's going to be tough.

i don't really feel like doing anything right now.
i'm so tired and scared and uncertain.

maybe it's pre-pms, i don't know. but hearing about nas and syafz and sarah who are all going to poly is making me wonder if i should transfer out to poly too. in simple terms, i don't know what i want to do, where i want to go. i really don't. and knowing there's only 5 classes of arts, and that arts at ajc is not strong, and knowing arts at ijc is strong, plus the people, the workload, the environment. urghh. nothing against ajc, but i don't feel settled there. not good.

even adil's going back to ij.

i really don't know what to do, and appeals are closing fast. i'm starting to panic.
i might just sembahyang petunjuk, and hope God gives me pointers as soon as possible. i'm really torn.

ok, thats it i'm off. i need to find distraction, cause right now, i recognize the signs of ~~hysteria~~ ok maybe self-induced panic rising. fcuk fcuk fcuk.

2007-03-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

i'm so exhausted right now, i can't rest. does that make sense? usually the more tired i am, the more easily it is i collapse into bed, but right now, i'm too exhausted to close my eyes. and right now, with my thoughts scattered in a million different directions, i'm really very unsettled all the time.

i woke up today determined to have fun, to embrace everything, and to settle in aj. on the way there i realised it'll be forced fun, but still, better than nothing. i needed a distraction anyway. where better to find that than in games and dance all day?

hence, i willingly and obligingly surrendered my handphone and wallet and ipod to the ogfs for safekeeping. i wanted to keep my mind on the activities only, because i had a feeling i was on the verge of a mental breakdown, so i definitely wanted something to take my mind off my own mind, weird as it sounds. and it worked too. i had more fun than i did yesterday, the games were ridiculous fun. and it felt good to shout. i was apprehensive to cheer, simply because i was tired, i can't seem to capture the cheers, and i was reserved. i can't seem to find any incentive to be happy. i'm too worried for my upcoming work.

and i didn't really start to enjoy myself until after 2pm, when we started the wet water games, then afterwards did the couple dance. i got partnered with eric, who's a 1.8++ m being. whoa. but he's gentle, sweet, nice, patient, polite, friendly, and a complete sweetheart. i realise the guys in my og are nice boys. gavin and kiam boon are nice guys too, kiam boon reminding me of nicholas in a way, gavin just polite and friendly and soft-spoken. haresh, is without a doubt, joel's lost twin. i swear their voices are almost similar. and he's super funny too. he's our cheer ic. then there's chong (i refer to him as chong because that was how i identified him during OD1) who's dancing is super cute, eric and gavin and me and syazana kept spluttering with laughter from behind him. don't get me wrong, it's not horrible dancing it's just cute. then there's you long, who's a very nice mannered, well spoken and polite and friendly chap too.

the girls, i made friends with syazana and weiting, ying ying, who's really pretty, jenard whom i call manja because she really is, melissa, cindy, constance and another girl whose name i really am not cure how to spell. they're cute, friendly, and have the same mindset as i do, mainly, that we're tired all the time.

speaking of which, me and lysa and linn met son outside aj yesterday, and seeing him just brought back a flood of memories from pre-o levels mugging. it made me so longing for things to return to how they were, back to school with people i know and cultures i'm familiar with and things i'm comfortable with. he looks so good now; and i mean that he looks happy. he looks settled, he looks sure of his place in the world. i'm envious.

i got news from my mum after i turned my phone on. she calledme while i was eating dinner, and when she told me he was getting enlisted, my heart just stopped beating for a moment suspended in time. it's so wrong. ns is not a joke, and it's two more years away from studying, and it's tough commitment. plus, men go into ns and emerge as completely different men. and this fact scares me. i hear so many stories, even from the nsmen themselves. everything changes after entering ns. anyway, i feel helpless because there's nothing i can do to help nothint i can do to change things. it's keeping me a little frustrated, because i don't like matters beyond my control to complicate everything so much, but this is fate, so i shall not deny it. i can wait. i'm a patient girl, in my own way, i am. some things are worth waiting for.

life's unpredictable, but one thing i learn, take it with a pinch of salt and with an optimistic attitude. look at the glass half full. after all, most times, it's just a matter of being patient to get where you want to be, where you want to end up. and accepting reality, no matter how hard, no matter how difficult, will make life a lot less bothersome than it already is.

i'm worried all the time, and i'm scared. right now, i'm at a crossroads, and i don't know where to go.

2007-03-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

i have a limit too. right now, i'm this close to losing it *holds thumb and firefinger together* honestly, i don't like complications, and i'd rather just give in, but there always comes a time when i'm going to just lose it and then, there's no turning back. i'm not feeling this, not when i have so much to catch up on in school. i'm scared.

in case i'm not making sense, i just woke up you see. hence, my mind's a little groggy right now. only reason i got up was to tell my mum all about my day, and to catch ishak. speaking of which, did i tell you? i decided to join the mldds(malay language drama and dance society) ahhahhha. funny or what? i was never the pro-malay cultural society type, but somehow firasat, or instinct just told me to go ahead. but i did sign up for netball recreational as well; i can't imagine a life without having some form of sport present, and since i want a cca which doesn't demand so much physically, mldds is perfect. at the same time, netball recreation ensures i still get my required dose of sweating out, disgusting as it may seem. but i swear, my body hasn't felt the same since i worked in air-conditioned offices.

either way, i'm intrigued by my cca, although to be honest, now i'm having second thoughts again urgh. it's just that the transition from a sports cca to a society is just too sudden, just like the transition back into jc after being MIA from the school scene for so long.

i need sleep again; i really don't feel good.

wtf is wrong?

2007-03-07T20:08:00.000+08:00

i was all set to have fun today, and i did, in a way, but at the end of the day, i feel more unsettled than settled.

i think it was after all the subject talks that just freaked me out a little. i know having been out of loop for three months there's bound to be a lot to catch up on, but the one thing that really freaked me was the amount of work each subject demanded, and it's scary. ironically, the most work required is in literature; i have to read othello and the tempest by shakespeare, herland by charlotte perkins gilman, brave new world by aldous huxley, pride&prejudice by jane austen and this book of unseen poems. wtf. and then the mathematics tutorials to catch up on; i'm going to have a meltdown. it's so scary. and everybody says history at jc level is killer, but i can't take geography cause i don't have geog at o levels. i'm damn scared.

then whenever i move my jaw i kept biting down onto my ulcer at the back of my mouth, and by the time i reached home, it's bleeding again, and it stings like like a fcuking bee. when i ate lunch just now, it was like inflicting self-pain. plus my nose kept feeling like it was going to run anytime, and in the process, causing me a tension throbbing right behind my eyes. not cool.

and i'm going to be officially broke. my parents have decided to stop giving me allowance, and instead gave me free reign to use the money in my account for expenses instead, catch is, i'm going to have to make whatever amount inside there last the entire year. shouldn't be too difficult, i guess, except that school expenses like ezlink and books and uniform come from there too, so i won't be seeing cash from my parents for some time. gee. i thought it was a good plan at first, but then when i calculated the amount i have to spend to buy school stuff, and whats left over, i figure it'll be juuuuuuuuust nice. not good.

i guess i'll be watching my expenditure this year too.

i did meet a bunch of nice funny people though (: the girls are friendly and chatty, and i especially like jennard's name (i think that's how she spells it anyway) i had fun there. it just didn't feel very right because they all already knew one another from the first intake, and i didn't want to impose myself in their circle. plus, i kept mixing the cheers up. i'm surprised that i wasn't up to being all hyper, but then again, i've been tired for the past month ever since i started working. it's just a body timing thing which hasn't adjusted.

i just ate medicine, and i'm falling asleep. i need a nap.

i'm not sure what's my fault, but i know for sure, i'm too tired of having to cater to you and yours. i have so much to catch up on, it's scaring me. i can't imagine how it's going to be when school starts full time, and i have less time. my priority is to study, that i made clear, long time ago. i'm going to be tired all the time then. it takes two to dance.

i'm with darling in a cyber cafe

2007-03-06T18:47:00.000+08:00

i am currently sitting in a dark room, surrounded by computers, with britney spear's everytime playing in the background, and trying to figure out how to use a normal keyboard once more. if you haven't figured it out yet, i am in a cyber cafe, the one at cathay. trust a guy to not be able to resist a cyber cafe.

or at least, i assume it's a cyber cafe. maybe it's a LAN station or something.
anyhoo, i have one hour to spend here, so might as well.

it's amusing to watch boys and their toys, honestly. i have plugged in my ipod cause i'm easily distracted by the gory sounds of a computer game when zombies or officers are shot. i remember watching sweetie play this one game yesterday where he had to take down zombies, and frankly, it's too gory. as a little girl my uncle and me loved his xbox; well, i loved the bubble-shooting game anyway. the zombies terrified me after a while. i didn't mind shooting, except i got bored easily after playing the game one time to many.

you couldn't pay me enough to try one of the games now cause i'm so rusty it's bound to be embarassing.

i got ajc (: and i'm actually glad for it, honestly. i think it's how you make the school atmosphere work for you. if it's not going to be a rocking school or whatsoever, we'll make our own fun. there's no better way. oh oh i got into the same og group as qid's! i am a pantheus pardus. although, honestly, i'm amazed i remember now, because when jules called and told me, i was just awoken. qid called me at the most unGodly hour (ok it was 8am) to tell me the results were out. i sleepily asked her to check for me, since i had no idea where to go to check. (i realised later it was at the moe website; all i had to do was check =/) when she said ajc, i hooted, literally hooted. yayness baby!

lysa got aj too! and linny, we'll all be praying for you to come into ajc. the buggers have no idea what injustice they're doing not putting your name down for ajc.

at any rate, up and at it at 7am tomorrow, fantastico. i'm going to have freaking eyebags. so not glam on the first day of school. orientation. same thing, it's still school.

i cannot wait to purchase the ajc school shorts (:
speaking of which, i intend to buy this adidas bag from stella mccartney's line; it's so humongous! and i decided to treat myself by buying that bag, since i still have a small portion of my pay put aside. it's $75, but never mind, treat, treat. i just want a nice bag.

i was going to get this yellow adidas jacket too, but i can't bring myself to pay a three digit figure for a jacket =p grrrr cheapskate, yes, but whatever. ahhahha i can't help it, i'm really fussy about money. it runs in the family.

i shall just wait for kl.

i hereby book one day during the march holidays for the girls to go out out OUT and shop! and catch up, of course. we haven't met in a month, even then it doesn't count cause it was results posting. hur hur. at least we'll be in the same school, God willing.

oh oh i met pei ching from peiying primary working at adidas just now *squeals* she looks so pretty too, and it was such a lovely surprise to see her, although we were never close. i think it's just a period of changes right now, and seeing a blast from the past just touches my heart.

speaking of which, i watched letters from iwo jima with darling just now, and my oh my the movie was so bittersweet. it just reminds me the absolute pointlessness of war. i wrote a paper on this for mrs lawrence in early 2006, or at least, i wrote half a paper before i gave up. i'm sorry, but exposition pieces are just not my style. i much prefer stories. and originals.

i haven't to the library in such a long time. i miss reading. these days i read memoirs of a geisha over and over again. or maybe these novels which i have no idea what the titles are as i usually pick books up for the sake of reading. oops.

i suddenly feel like long john silver. bleargh, especially when i can't taste much anyway. or maybe something with cheese and mushrooms. i know, my taste runs weird most times.

darling's computer beside me is making all sorts of weird battle cries. it seems like fun, actually, but i'd rather play neopets. speaking of which, i haven't check on my poor tigers and dolphins in a long time. i adopted three of them. and now, they're starving under my care. let me clarify; when i said i haven't checked their account in a long time, i meant since secondary 1, maybe 2. they're probably rotting away, left with bones and precious tigerskin. i'd say dolphin skin, but it'll rot, so that won't make sense now, would it?

it's not an easy task to balance, but i always thought i could handle it. it seems to straightforward to me, but i never took into account the fact that when another person's feeling, thoughts, viewpoint and opinions are involved, it's never going to be easy. but in the words of samantha jade, "No matter what we go through, you step up i'll step up too,"

digression; it's a little shocking to me to hear the machine gun from games go off. go on, laugh, but i still get surprised at times ok.

i'm seventeen now. i'm sitting in a LAN centre/cyber cafe, wearing an adidas jacket, my hair short and bleached, and with my boyfriend next to me. i'm grown up, i've seen a lot more than i ever thought i would, and if you were to show my life now to the seven-year-old me when i was still a primary 1 student, i would never have believed it. i was the kind brought up to shake my head in disapproval at boyfriends while still studying, girls changing hair colour, and basically not putting their studies as first priority. (that was in secondary school, of course) life's so unpredictable. hasn't everything changed? can you guys remember yourselves in kindergarten, with your friends then? did you ever think about how you'd turn out, what kind of a person you'd become? does it scare you how uncertain fate and destiny is?

maybe i've been reading too much memoirs of a geisha.

either way, i'm off to friendster to explore my friends profiles and show my darling.
best of luck to all my friends out there, as we embark a whole new chapter of our life, some of us, in completely uncharted territory.